Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Entry #1

Entry #1
by B. Krahn


The moon looked like a big old flashlight– God’s flashlight– coming through the clouds. A comforting thought as I trudged along the cliff road with no luggage, no reliable map, and now no car. Apparently they don’t do spare tires in Spain. How the heck was I going to find my vacation rental, the "Casa Del Mar" in the dark?

Movement ahead caught my eye: someone walking on the road, toward me. A man in a cap materialized from the shadows of the rocky cliffs nearby. The closer he got, the slower I walked, until I stopped altogether.

"Senorita Bellamy?"

Relief poured through me.

"Yes. Si." He knew my name; he must be the local agent.

"Is late, si?" His teeth appeared. A smile. "I come to find you. You have no bags?"

"In the car," I explained with a wave behind me. "I got a flat tire."

"No mas," his smile broadened. Big teeth. "No need. Come."

He waved his hand to indicate the moonlit road ahead and as he turned I could have sworn I saw a tail. He felt my hesitation and paused to look back. His eyes glinted. Red. I blinked and the color disappeared. Boy, was I sleep deprived.

"You come?" he said. Another toothy, oddly compelling grin.

I took a deep breath and glanced up at the moon.

"Si, si. . . I come."

19 comments:

Joni said...

I love the subtlety of this one. So many possibilities. Very nice.

Bernita said...

An appointment with evil.
Nice Udolphian touch.

Jim said...

A great deal of potential to develop this into something much more sinister and horrific. Nice juxtaposition between God's flashlight at a distance and the presence of the devilish creature up close.

Bonnie Cehovet said...

I got a very real sense of mundane life meeting true evil here. Shivers up my spine, and the feeling that, as Jim stated, this has the potential to be one terrific story!

Flood said...

Good dialogue in this one, adding to the atmosphere.

anne frasier said...

i found this utterly charming. it has a great sense of fun, and there's kind of an ornery wink to the whole thing.

Robert Ball said...

"Welcome to the Hotel California?" I really like the description of the Moon.

linda said...

You never know what you might bump into, I agree the "flashlight coming through the clouds" was very good.

mr. schprock said...

Something tells me this guy's a bit more sinister than the Frito Bandito. Great story! Keep up your AAA membership!

robert rohloff said...

A wonderful moon walk

Scott said...

This begs so many questions--and that's a good thing.

Tami said...

I really like the feel of this one. It's playful yet sinister. Nice job!

k lawson gilbert said...

Surely, no good will come of this encounter. It's so indicative of life. Just when we think we have been saved...

Nice writing.

Bhaswati said...

I like how the narrator is almost compelled to go with the man. Taut prose with good pace. Nice!

Lisa said...

Loved the God's flashlight thought. Her guard is down when he says her name. Instead of going with him, she needs to RUN! Love the subtle hint that evil lurks very close. Nicely written.

Nicholas Abbot said...

Your use of God in the first sentence and the implication of Satan at the end is great.

The Wandering Author said...

A good story in its own right, and this could also easily serve as the intro to a much longer horror story.

Fran Piper said...

This definitely cries out to be expanded into a longer work. Excellent job!

(And I, too, love "God's flashlight"!)

jason evans said...

I like the sneaky danger. I would probably react the same way. Our minds wouldn't accept that we were in the clutches of a monster. Strong piece!