Saturday, August 26, 2006

Entry #44

Robbed
by Flood


I hung up the phone and sat in my chair. Through the window, I watched the clouds pass over the moon. I thought about what I was going to say when the police came.

I heard movement in the kitchen. They couldn't be here already. I sat still and waited. Footsteps came towards me.

"Hey there, old man," a voice called. He came around to face me and his skinny frame blocked the moonlight. His gun aimed at my chest. I could see it was fake, but held my face in fear, anyway.

"This is going to be simple, okay? I'm taking what I want and leaving you alive, as long as you play nice. Are you alone?"

I nodded cautiously. Something clicked in my head. Maybe turning myself in wasn't in the cards, after all.

"Now. It'll be a lot faster if you tell me where I should look."

"In the bedroom," I told him, trying to stifle laughter rising from my chest. He grinned, then reached for the phone, ripping the cord from the wall.

"Good," he said. "You stay here and I'll be out of your hair in no time." He walked down the hall and I stood up. When I heard his cries and wretching, I climbed out the window.

A police car passed me on the road a minute later. I figured when they got there, he would still be vomiting over the mess I left of her in the bedroom.

38 comments:

Bernita said...

Oh, GOOD, Flood!

Writing Blind said...

Wow. That was my first reaction. And my second. And my third. I think this one is even better than your "Midnight Road" entry. Wow, again.

Joni said...

Interesting turn of events. Two criminals meet in the night. I really really like this one. Superb.

fringes said...

Cool coincidence. Very nice timing. You just may kick start CSI: Canada.

"...but held my face in fear anyway."

My favorite line.

Anonymous said...

riveting, edge of the seat of my moon pants thriller. kept me jerking back for more.

~aunt sesame

briliantdonkey said...

excellent story in so few words. LOVED it. As a big fan Of Irony I really liked the twist. Thanks Flood!

BD

Nicholas Abbot said...

What a great premise. I love the fact that the protagonist climbs out the window. Nice touch.

klgilbert said...

Great scene..multi layered. Leaves one much to think about. I like your writing style, too. Dialogue rings true.

anne frasier said...

very nice, flood!

a tale of bad and badder. :)

love how he appeared old and helpless to begin with.

Scott said...

"Maybe turning myself in wasn't in the cards, after all."

Ha! That was very cool. Loved the pace and the easy flow.

Jaye Wells said...

So worth the wait! I like that he was going to do the right thing by tuirning himself in, but at the last minute his true nature shines through.

Robert Ball said...

Very disturbing and yet rewarding at the same time - well done.

Southern Writer said...

What a great bit of irony! Nicely done, Flood.

Marcail said...

A sure winner. Poor old man "had me at hello."

LE said...

oooh, wicked. great job.

Roberta said...

This is so gooooooood, it's scary!
I love the twist at the end!

anna said...

Am I the only one
howling laughing?
Wonderful!!

Shadowrite said...

Excellent twist at the end!

Susan Flemming said...

That evil twist at the end was a surprize. Good job.

Linda Fort-Bolton said...

I just read the Flood Flash Back and I have to say there is hope for all of us that need it.
Your story is an easy read, original and well-paced. I enjoyed it.

Flood said...

Thanks, everyone (and you BD, for your email). I wasn't sure if I would get one out this time around and then this hit me.

I appreciate all the compliments.

bekbek said...

"Trying to stifle laughter" was exactly where a big grin broke out on my face. Resignation turns to gleeful freedom! Yay!

Of course this is excellent. :)

robert rohloff said...

Nice piece of writing. Flowed very well all the way through.

Jim said...

Methinks that MC is not wholly glued together. I love the dark psychosis of this one.

Bhaswati said...

Oh my god, Flood! This is so clever, it's just outstanding. Superb execution (pun intended ;) ).

mr. schprock said...

Excellent! Excellent, excellent, excellent! First rate writing, Flood. Now excuse while I go find my happy place...

Flood said...

It's moving when people take the time to comment on a story when there are so many to read. So thanks to all of you who stopped by mine to say something.

Bofire said...

I AM STILL CATCHING UP WITH READING THE ENTRIES AND WHEN I FIND ONE LIKE THIS IT IS WELL WORTH THE TIME.
VERY IMAGINITIVE WRITING.
I WOULD NOT WANT TO HAVE TO JUDGE THIS CONTEST. GOOD WRITING.

Kathleen said...

Nice one, Flood. I'm with Anna, although I didn't howl with laughter, just giggled a little bit. How macabre am I?

Sandra Ruttan said...

Oh, one hell of a twist Flood. Nicely done!

johnmcauley said...

I got whiplash from the curve.
Good story!
John McAuley

Flood said...

Thanks again to all for a great response to my entry, and of course to Jason for providing such a fantastic venue for all of us.

cesarcarlos said...

What goes around...

Nice change of events, Flood. A great use of such few words. Congrats!

Suzanne Smith Karg said...

Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

Flood said...

Thank you Suzanne, and thanks to all her commented on or voted for "Robbed." I'm still stoked.

Amra Pajalic said...

Congratulations. Love the twist.

{Minion} said...

cool :)

jason evans said...

I love the cool calculation of the character. The gift was almost divine, as if some higher power approved of his deed. High marks overall.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE READERS' CHOICE AWARD!!