Monday, January 08, 2007

Entry #24

Silver Bells and Cockle Shells
by forgottenmachine

First impressions last.

If he looked dull, chances were. And if a glint lay behind his eyes, well, then just call her Mary Magpie.

But this one was different. She'd knocked a drink out of his hand in forging a path to the bar, and watched as both the glass and her words tumbled and shattered on the floor, before she could stop either.

"Shit sorry I'll buy you another...."

"Bloody Mary." In a quiet voice, laced with promise and expectancy.

They'd been talking now for well over an hour, her ears ringing with the faint hum that always accompanies engaging conversation. Yet she could not recall a single topic, and in the strangeness of that revelation, Mary looked at his face for what felt like the first time. He wasn't even remotely her type; his features held as much appeal as the walls of a warehouse, silent and grey, bits of thin, dark hair drooping like wire across his forehead.


Flashing lights coloured the walls a dull red. Two officers stood just out of the shadows, beckoning to Sgt. Sheppard as he ducked under the tape.

As he approached, he heard the last of a muffled conversation.

".....patrol this road every damn week, and never even give this place a second glance."

Sheppard peered into the cold depths beyond the warehouse door.

"You know what they say about first impressions....."


Jim said...

I love that first line - there's a kind of poetry to it.

Jaye Wells said...

Thank God I don't have to date anymore. Nice job.

Jaye Wells said...

One more thing, I loved how you used the picture as a way to describe the man.

Jeff said...

Nice description here. Good story!

S. W. Vaughn said...

I really love your opening here. Well done!

forgottenmachine said...

Jim - Thanks. I'm a big believer in the power of an opening line

Jaye - Dating is frightening enough on its own! And thanks, the story flowed from the idea of the building describing a person.

Jeff and S.W. - Thanks!

I'd be curious to know if anyone picked up on the title, or am I being too obscure?

Anonymous said...

The good guide to dating? A sublime rendering as always, FM.

Anonymous said...

Seems my gut instinct was right ...
Well done.

Anonymous said...

Good story, with a subtle creepiness and menace to it.

Anonymous said...

I like this very much too! Somehow I can see Kevin Spacey playing the guy... Very visual.

forgottenmachine said...

Thanks KN and KD.

Atyllah - Thanks, high praise indeed considering how brilliant I thought your entry was.

Cailleach - Spacey hmmmm? You may be on to something there.....

jason evans said...

You set the scene very well. I liked the interaction. The way she couldn't focus on him.

High marks overall!