Monday, January 08, 2007

Entry #27

by Jim O’Loughlin

“Good morning,” she says.

His eyelids open. He takes a deep breath.

“Hey,” he says.

She sits on the edge of the bed, staring out the window.

“Tell me what you dreamed about,” she says, not taking her eyes from the window.

“You know I never remember. What are you looking at out there?”


He stretches.

“Really, I don’t remember,” he says.

“I always tell you about my dreams.”

“I know. I hate your dreams. You always have me chasing you with an axe or something.”

She turns away from the window.

“That was one dream, and it’s not like I designed it that way.”

She turns back.

“But it must mean something. Otherwise you wouldn’t even be interested in mine.”

A ribbon of morning sunlight falls across the bed. He moves next to her, looking out the window.

“What are you looking at out there? There’s nothing but a wall and some wires.”

“Okay, then, you tell me. What does it mean when I dream you chase me with an axe?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re scared of me. Or maybe I represent something you’re afraid you can’t control.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“You tell me then. Why would I chase you with an axe?”

“Maybe you’re afraid of me. Maybe you’re projecting your fear, coming after me before I can come after you. How’s that sound?”

Quiet. And then they speak at the same time.

“I Let’s WANT go TO back BREAK to UP bed.”

[Jim O’Loughlin’s flash fiction has been published recently in The Pedestal Magazine, North American Review and flash me magazine. He is the publisher of Final Thursday Press.]


Joni said...

I like the ending line and the way you made it overlap. This is a good one.

Jim said...

The power of dreams - very Jungian.

Jeff said...

I agree with Joni. I like what you did with the last line. Good job!

Anonymous said...

nice story first off....! I read it yesterday and could not post a comment, so hunted this story down again...the axe chasing sequence is rocking...:D
Keep it up!

Fran Piper said...

Great use of dialog, and well written dialog too. I like this story a lot.

Anonymous said...

Dreams and dialogue, nicely juxtaposed. There's quite a filmic quality to this, I can almost 'see' this episode.

S. W. Vaughn said...

Yes... excellent dialogue here! Tags not required. Good job.

Anonymous said...

Clever last line. I like how you used the dream to move the story. Good one!

September said...

interesting ending - i like that last line that way too. it makes sense and i had never seen it like that.

Anonymous said...

very cool- i love how you don't say who said which!

Anonymous said...

Oh great stuff - I loved the interlinking of two people through dreams and words. Really well done!

jason evans said...

Very, very real. Wow! Gut-wrenching, actually.

Great use of action and the moment. Perfect example of showing, not telling.

Highest marks overall.

Congratulations on 1st Place!! *applause, applause*