Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Entry #46

After the Party
by Fran Piper

We leave together in an alcohol haze.

Alex looks up. "Full moon." He grabs Carrie and pretends to bite her neck.

"Stop it!" Carrie beats at him with her fists, and Alex swats her.

Carrie screams. "You hit me!"

"Because you hit me."



"Come on, Alice." Carrie drags me away down the sidewalk.

Tony starts to follow. "Where are you going?"

"Home," Carrie says over her shoulder.

The walls of the alley are stained cement, and utility cables hang here and there. Darkness looks out through cobwebbed windows.

It doesn't stop Carrie. "Short cut," she says.

Tony stops at the alley’s mouth. "Hey!"

Carrie turns. "Fuck off!"

"Don’t go that way. It’s not safe at night."

Alex doesn't stop. "Silly bitch. Man, let’s go home."

"Pig." Carrie’s crying now.

"Carrie," I say. "Maybe..."

Without warning, she swings her purse violently at one of the windows. The impact echoes through the alley. She curses, swinging again and again, and the window shatters.

Footsteps pound down the alley and Alex flies past me. He grabs Carrie’s purse, then her arm, then restrains her in something that’s part hug, part wrestling hold. She fights him, then collapses against him, sobbing.

Sirens doppler in the distance. An alarm is ringing deep inside the building. Suddenly no-one is breathing.

"Oh, shit," Alex says.

Tony pulls at my hand. Alex grabs Carrie, and together we run to the end of the alley and down the street, laughing.


Jeff said...

Good use of dialogue. Nice story!

Anonymous said...

A moment captured in time. Nice.

Dafath said...

it brought to mind Raymond Carver and his first wife in a drunked brawl on an airliner.

Anonymous said...

What people will do when they're drunk - a clever vignette

SF Johnston said...

Holy cow...this is a truly powerful piece of writing. I can see and actually hear Carrie breaking those windows.

And the way you went from light to heavy to light again is such a short space -- fantastic.

Anonymous said...

way cool! i was expecting vampires or monsters...

caveblogem said...

Very sharp description, but it moves along nicely. Brought to mind the untold vandalisms of my youth.

Scott said...

Man, how many times have I been in a similar situation when I was young! I liked how this was just about a moment in time, and not some dramatically insane event.

S. W. Vaughn said...

Good one! I especially love this line: Sirens doppler in the distance. Very evocative.

Anonymous said...

A really well captured moment in time and brilliant use of dialogue.

Fran Piper said...

Thanks, everyone, for your comments and encouragement! I threw away two previous stories that weren't working before getting to this one, and had got to the usual "I can't do this stuff" state of mind - now I feel much better!

jason evans said...

Nice teenage-type moment. The wild swings in emotion and the drama were perfect!