Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hit Me Baby One More Time

(Tuesday, 9:15 a.m., on the train to Philadelphia.)

Okay, already it's not going well. I had an entire car to myself (my station is first) with rare quiet to sit and write. However, at the very next stop, some chick showed up yelling at her cell phone. In Chinese. Hold on a second while I get my earphones out.

Okay, sorry about that. All set now.

Wait, she's breaking through the music. Maybe I better upgrade to Evanescence.

Oh yeah, that did it. Amy Lee kicks butt. Now, where were we?

Life is all about learning, right? Well, I learned something this morning. I learned all about one of my facial nerves when my dentist burrowed in and stabbed a needle into it. Whoa, that was seat-cruncher. Yum, yum, Novocain. White, shivery, electric, clenching pain through all of my lower teeth and my tongue.

And that was only the right side. She was just getting warmed up.

So, now I have two bean bags disguised as lips tacked to my face. I'm sitting here trying to look normal, but I'm convinced I don't. When I got into my truck to go the train station afterward, I noticed my face was crooked in the rearview mirror. That made me smile.

Oh. My. God. The right side of my mouth perked up, but the left side drooped down. It was ludicrous. I totally lost it.

The problem was, the more hilarious it got, the worse my laugh twisted it. Vicious cycle. I sure hope no one saw me practically crying while I tried to pull my face straight.

Good times, my friends, good times.

So wish me luck. I have a lunch meeting at 12:30 where it would certainly be a plus if I could talk. I guess I'll take a scratch pad for messages just in case.

17 comments:

LiVEwiRe said...

Your account of this cracks me up! It wasn't so long ago that I had that experience and I know JUST the look you are referring to. Kind of like Jack Nicholson on meth with stabbing gas pains. Some folks can't pull it off, be us, well, we CAN! ;) And the more you look, the more you laugh. It's never ending. Well, at least not for a good few hours. For some extra fun, try to apply lip balm without looking in the mirror. You'll think you're right on track, til it hits your nose. I do hope you feel better and this ends your dental dilemmas. Go rest and be good to yourself. And avoid straws.

anne said...

Count your blessings: you don't smoke... ;)
How did the meeting go?

Susan Abraham said...

Ouch!
But still a great read.
Good luck then. :-)

Jaye Wells said...

This reminds me of Bill Cosby's famous bit about going to the dentist. Good stuff, man.

Joni said...

Reminds me of the time I had a dentist appointment and was hosting a dinner party the same day. The dentist swore the novacain would be worn off within four hours. Trying to eat at the party was entertaining. I spoke as little as possible.

I HATE the feeling of being numb. But, I'm pretty sure I hate pain worse.

kcterrilynn said...

Ugh...I hate going to the dentist! I metabolize Novacain pretty quickly so during any procedure they have to keep giving me shots. It's the worst!! I've got to have the happy gas. It's all about the happy gas; makes it all better. The dentist could drop an anvil on my face and I wouldn't care...

billie said...

This wasn't as scary as I expected. :)

I have gotten to the point where I go the sedation route with the dentist. The aftereffects are quite intense - last time I went and was driven home after, I apparently got online and sent out a number of emails - I had absolutely no memory of writing them, sending them, etc.

But no pain, no fear, no funny faces while the novacaine wore off!

Kate said...

you crack me up, jason. even though this isn't meant to be funny.

i'm such a huge fan of yours.

Mom of All Seasons said...

I find it interesting that dentists are so adept at finding just.the.right.nerve to tap so that the lights get just so much brighter for the 4.7 seconds that your tush rises into the air and out of the seat. I hope your face isn't lopsided anymore.

Angela said...

Hope you are alright now...

jason evans said...

Livewire, the lip balm would've been a hoot! Either that, or do a Billy Idol impression. I had the whole lip thing workin'.

Anne, thankfully, the Novocain wore off aroundd 11:30. I was functional for the meeting, but very very sore. Chewing bread...not cool.

Susan, thanks for the well wishes. :) Ouch is right....

Jaye, I was thinking about that as I walked to the truck! It's the first time I really experienced what Cosby was talking about. Every other Novocain experience was localized, not so nasty.

Joni, oh my, a dinner party with alien lips? That had to be horrifying. I bet you did a lot of nodding.

KC, I've never had the happy gas. Maybe I should give it a try. It would've taken the edge off the moment when the dentist had one foot on my forehead, and the other stomping down the needle.

Billie, sounds like an out of body experience. I hope you didn't say anything compromising! :D

Mom of All Seasons, at least she apologized when I flew off the seat. It sounded sincere too. :)

Kate, laughing is good! You have to find the humor in unpleasant stuff. That's the only way to beat it.

Angela, I'm not 100% in my jaw, but I'm doing well, thanks. :)

Jaye Wells said...

You know, it could have been worse. I once a dentist fill a tooth without Novocaine.

Terri said...

lol! At least you weren't drooling during your meeting... you didn't start drooling during you meeting, did you? 'Cos that tends to not inspire a lot of confidence in one's tax lawyer. Just sayin'...
:-D

Joni said...

Dude, I'm with KC. HAPPY GAS RULES!

jason evans said...

Jaye, ow ow ow ow!! My father has horror stories about low speed drills, no Novocain, and a shell-shocked dentist from WW1.

Terri, no, thankfully I didn't drool. Just chewed very slowly. (BTW, you think I'm a tax lawyer? Oh, that's cold, my friend, lol. :D I'm a health care lawyer.)

Joni, I'm going to have to try me some of that.

Cailleach said...

This sounds very familiar. Hope the pain has receded now and that your mouth feels almost normal! Dentists are not my favourite people... *shudders*

Terri said...

YIKE! Major faux pas on my part, sorry Jason. Health care.. yes that fits MUCH better!