Thursday, July 26, 2007

Entry #1

Predators
by Katherine Napier


The playful streaks of light in the distance let him know the faeries were here, so he stopped to observe. He saw two sitting in the trees to his left, and then he realized he was standing just above his goal. There, discretely looking like a tree stump, was the door to the goblins lair.

He slid his dagger from its sheath and crept down to the door. Claw marks on the left made it clear the direction it opened and as he pulled, the smell was there, the smell that was on his mother, his father, his sister. The smell of death and rot and saliva. He slid inside and let his eyes adjust to torchlight.

The cave opened up to a larger area and he stood at the edge of it, listening. He heard snorts and growls coming from the right, so he slid along the wall in that direction, just enough to catch a glimpse. There were two normal and one small, sitting around a bowl of meat with great focus. He was upon them in an instant, plunging the dagger deep into the biggest of them, then sliding it out for the next. The next largest hesitated, turned towards the smaller one, and that’s when he slit its throat.

Unbelievable pain shot up his left leg. The last one was biting him, and it made a sickening sound when he smashed it with his right foot.

Clawing sounds, and the cave door slams.

15 comments:

Jaye Wells said...

Yay, faeries and goblins are finally making an appearance in one of Jason's contest.

Anonymous said...

Gruesome! Revenge that backfires.
This has great imagination.

SzélsőFa said...

ouch.
Whatever was the reason for the hatred, it was painful. Was the protagonist a non-human being?

Victor J. Banis said...

I'd really like to see this expanded into a longer story, or even a novel.

Victor J. Banis

Katherine Napier said...

SzélsőFa, I would the say he WAS human up until the time he became what he hated to the one that got away. Mother, father, sister... Thanks,everyone, for reading and commenting.

onipar said...

Very mysterious. I like it.

wrath999 said...

Greusome and brutality done well and in a short amount of words. Bravo

Jeff said...

Good job with pacing and description. I like your story.

angel said...

brilliant! my favourite genre!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Gruesome stuff, but so well told. Great pace and very gripping.

Verilion said...

I like the change of tense in the last line, it really kind of hammers home the tension. Cool story Katherine

JLB said...

You have a talent for description - very nice!

Wavemancali said...

Great story AND brave enough to float in the first entry. I'm impressed :)

briliantdonkey said...

Very descriptive story which I found to be quite enjoyable in spite of that not being my genre of choice.

::: the smell was there, the smell that was on his mother, his father, his sister. The smell of death and rot and saliva::::

wow, LOVED this part.

BD

jason evans said...

The ending partially described was effective. It really gives the sense he was overwhelmed quickly.