Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Entry #80

The Collectors
by Jenn Carkner


Her raven hair flew like a banner behind her as she raced through the wood. Ahead she could see her goal: It was flickering golden through a million different shades of brown and green. He would be waiting anxiously for her, she knew, but that couldn't be helped.

Ten yards more... Five... She broke into the sunny clearing, the one place in the whole wood where the light broke through the great emerald canopy of ancient growth. How it came to be, they couldn't know for certain, but the charred remnants of long-dead ancients suggested a mighty storm to be the cause. This was their place. He was there; sitting on an enormous stump, gazing at a massive clump of roots that were twinkling merrily in the midday sun. He turned at the sound of her footfalls, and grinned.

"Didja get it?"

"Yeah, it was close though. My Ma nearly caught me while I was closing up!"

And with care that was close to reverence, she gently opened the cloth package she had been carrying. The boy leaned over, his eyes sparkling in anticipation.

"Ahhhhh…" He sighed as she withdrew their newest prize from its wrappings.


She nodded her understanding, and without a word, walked to the clump of roots and gingerly set the treasure in a little knot formed by two intertwined roots. It fit perfectly. With a sigh of contentment, she stepped back to where the boy was watching, and together they admired their collection.

12 comments:

Katherine Napier said...

This is a great piece, the visuals are clear and it's just ambiguous enough to be facinating. Thanks for the read.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

A brilliantly captured moment. Well done.

JLB said...

This one brings lot of my favorite children's stories to mind (I envision old shoe boxes with all kinds of things)... but in fact the first reaction I had to the first few lines were thoughts of scavenger hunts!

Paul Liadis said...

Very well written. Like Absolute Vanilla said - a nice moment.

Dottie said...

This is one of my favorites. The storyline seems simple, but its very intriguing. I like your play on words at different times, like when you use the word "gingerly" after "clump of roots." What's nicer than ginger root? I'll add this to my collection.

jenn said...

Thank-you to everyone for your wonderful comments! They're greatly appreciated!

Ann Ostrander said...

Brought me right back to "Little House on the Prairie." Loved the innocence in this one. Couldn't the world do with a bit more of that?

Therese said...

I love this. I love how you use imagery and really set the tone of the scene. I also like that although I am interested in seeing more, I'm satisfied at the same time.

Great work!

Jude said...

Sweet innocence... i like the line - with care close to reverence. That really captures it for me.

SzélsőFa said...

I'd love to see it in a longer version - the style and the characters would make it worthwile.

jenn said...

Ann- I couldn't agree more!

Therese- That's what I was going for. I'm really pleased that it came across!

Jude- Thank-you.

SzelsoFa- I'll see what I can do ;)

jason evans said...

A curious story with an interesting draw to it. It's enough to pull me in, to make me wonder about these characters.