Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Entry #83

Waiting
by Brilliant Donkey


My Dearest Charlene,

I feel in my heart of hearts that our cause is just, and in the end the union shall indeed prevail. However, I fear that my time left on this earth is short. We have already suffered numerous casualties and to say that we are getting beat today would be a serious understatement. Rumor has it General Sherman has us surrounded and out numbered at least 4 to 1. Normally, I ignore the rumor mill but the constant sound of incoming fire closing in defies me to do so this time.

I do not fear death for I believe whole heartedly in heaven. I strongly believe that when we die, we go to the place in our lives where we were the happiest. For me, that is the clearing in the woods where we went on our picnics before I left. That place where the sun always seemed to shine, your eyes always seemed to sparkle, and where you gave me the news that a little one would soon be on the way. If I should indeed perish here today, know it will be with thoughts of you in my heart, and your name on my lips. Know that I will be waiting for you in that clearing.

Waiting to see those deep green eyes.

Waiting to see that smile which always touches and melts my heart.

Waiting to take your hand in mine and walk together through the pearly gates.

Waiting.

Love always,

Andr

19 comments:

Katherine Napier said...

B.D., I'm so glad you could make it. I think this is a beautiful piece, very touching, very visual inside and out of the picture. You stayed true to the vocabulary. Nice take.

c.s. said...

am i weird if i say i'm moved by this story? BD, this is very sentimenal and i thank you for it!

angel said...

beautiful, moving...

SF Johnston said...

Great. I really, really like this take on the picture.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Beautiful and poignant piece. Well done, BD.

JLB said...

Very sweet - what a lovely way to wrap up Halo. :)

Jaye Wells said...

I love the idea of telling a story through a letter. Nice job.

Victor J. Banis said...

beautifully done. Very moving. Reminds me of Burns John Anderson, my Jo

Wavemancali said...

Love the period feel BD.

Ann Ostrander said...

I really like this as well. I've read love letters from my mother-in-law and her husband who were in this situation. So sentimental and sweet ... just like this.

onipar said...

I like the direction you took this. Well done, Brilliant.

cool_st_elizabeth said...

This is so beautiful and sad.

RachaelfromNJ said...

Wow! How original and different from all the other stories! I would never have thought to write it in a letter. I absolutely love it!

briliantdonkey said...

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I personally am not thrilled with the result though all things considered not unhappy with it either.

Kathrine: Thank you for the heads up on this contest. I definitely would have missed it otherwise.


CS/Vanilla/Angel/JLB/victor/Ann/Elizabeth: Since 'sweet' seems to be a common emotion that you all got from it, I wonder how youd feel if I could have expanded it. I saw it going in a MUCH darker direction perhaps.

Jaye: interesting, the letter aspect kind of made me nervous. Felt a tad bit like cheating to me in a way.

Dave: Actually that was one of the things I did NOT like about it. Wish I could have made the language of the time more authentic, and made the time(and war) more clear without using the word 'union' to all but spell it out.

Tony: GREAT to see you again and see you made it in for this one. I haven't read your entry yet, but am looking forward to it.

Rachaelfrom NJ: I have only read about 12 of them so far. I thought surely when I saw the picture there would be a number of spaceships and abduction directions taken. So far I havent seen any but have a lot left to read yet.

Everyone: thanks again for the kind words and taking the time to leave them. Should you have any constructive critcisms I am all ears about those(if not even more so) as well. You can send those to Briliantdonkey@gmail.com if you like. I promise I won't get my feelings hurt or get angry even if I disagree with you. Trust me I can take it.

BD

Jude said...

Yes, lovely bitter sadness here.

SzélsőFa said...

I like his dignity and love towards his wife and his patriotism, too. Well done.

Pearl said...

What a touching story. It seems to have tragedy embedded.

Jeff said...

Good job, BD!

jason evans said...

You did seem to capture the proper archaic feel of the language. A tough subject given the state of the world.