Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Entry #5

Admiring The View
by Sandra Seamans


Larry rested against the hood of his pickup watching a stampede of gray storm clouds chase across the twilight morning sprinkling snowflakes across the sheltered meadow. He stifled a yawn as the frigid night slipped coyly away from the rosy fingers of dawn. Checking the view to the east, he felt the shivering warmth of the rising sun splash across his face as struggling rays prismed across the dark clot of clouds with a rainbow drift of pinks and orange smudged with a dash of purple.

The kaleidoscope jumble of colors dissipated as Larry’s attention was drawn to the pirouetting snowflakes performing a crystal ballet on the last blush of dawn. Perfect, he thought, nothing like fresh snow to cover a body dump.

10 comments:

Sarah Hina said...

I really love the juxtaposition of soft, poetic images throughout with the wry bluntness of your last sentence. It was completely unexpected, and made me laugh.

Don't get me wrong: a lot of your descriptions are lovely, but there are only so many autumnal adjectives one can handle before being suffocated. The last sentence really skewered that prettiness nicely.

Well done! I enjoyed it thoroughly.

SzélsőFa said...

heh, what a surprise, I did not expect that either :-)

Bernita said...

What Sarah said!

Josh said...

Just wait until spring...heheh. Nice surprise.

Angela said...

While I totally loved it, I was distracted by the length of the first sentence. Maybe break it up. Great surprise ending!

Beth said...

What the first person and last person before me said -- exactly. So unexpected.

sandra said...

Thanks everyone!! And Angela, you're right about that first sentence, I should have dropped the last half.

Hoodie said...

Less is definitely more here. The short snapshot with the striking last line makes an excellently crafted piece. Nice job.

raine said...

Agree with everyone, lol.
That last line skewered it nicely!

jason evans said...

Nice juxtaposition between beauty and the foul act. Stampede of storm clouds...I like that.