Saturday, February 23, 2008

Entry #29

The Tree Wept
by r2


It was the day the tree wept.

The day I knew it was finally over.

Maybe things would be better. Maybe worse.

I always imagined the tree had a face. The way the branches and leaves were arranged just so. In the shadows of the branches I could see eyes, nose, mouth. If the wind blew a certain way the tree would smile. Sometimes it would frown.

It watched me all the time. It was outside my window, across a field. It watched me write in my diary night after night. It watched me cry, although it never cried. Until.

It watched me watch it as I tried to think of other things when the man came into my room, when I said daddy why do you do this.

It watched the baby being torn from my private place. The baby with no eyes. It watched as daddy twisted the baby’s head and said it’s better this way, now go clean yourself up, I got something to do.

It watched with no expression as daddy buried the baby under its roots. Then it started to weep. First two little leaves from its eyes. Then little streams of leaves that looked like tears. Tears that blew away with the wind.

It cried until it had no face.

For a long time it stood there barren.

And then the men with the bulldozers came to knock it over.

And then the men with the hard faces came to take my daddy away.

25 comments:

pattinase (abbott) said...

This is a haunting story. Nice job.

DBA Lehane said...

Dark, haunting and sad - you can almost feel the confused shock of the child.

sandra seamans said...

I love how you took this one step past the child abuse. Nicely done!

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

A sad and haunting story - you capture the child's voice perfectly - it's powerfully done. A very strong piece of writing.

BernardL said...

Frightening and provocative.

Patricia J. Hale said...

Captured the lonely look of the tree beautifully, r2.

Ello said...

This was extremely well done. I loved the analogy of the tree weeping with the leaves falling. That to me was the best part of the piece. Very sad, very powerful piece.

24crayons said...

Such a very horrific story. The description of the tree was great!

Parabolist said...

Another well written, haunting story. Good job! I enjoyed it.

Remiman said...

r2
Because they're alive, trees are easy to relate too.
A sad storry nicelt told.
rel

Beth said...

I read this piece a few times, came back to it, read it some more, cringed each time. This is how I know I like it -- one of my favorites. Raw writing.

pjd said...

Grim and sparse, it definitely tells a strong story.

SzélsőFa said...

It is well composed and haunting.
It left me feeling uneasy and sad.

Bernita said...

Very well done.
Thank you for providing justice at the end.

bluesugarpoet said...

That was hard to read only because your striking choice of details made the story ring true. I love the repetition of "eyes" and "face" and the allusions to tears and crying that tie everything together. Nicely done!

Sarah Hina said...

Brutally effective writing. The weeping leaves were a beautiful touch.

Her relationship to the tree is wonderfully handled, as is the casual cruelty of her father. Brilliantly done.

JLB said...

This is a truly haunting read, and a very well-composed piece. You go right for the throat - well done.

Hoodie said...

Yikes, no namby pamby for you. Make us gasp and mourn.

Very nice.

r2 said...

Thank you for the comments. It's great to be able to affect readers with only 250 words. All the stories have real interesting points of view. I really enjoyed this contest both as a reader and writer.

JaneyV said...

So simple yet horrific. The image of the crying tree is wonderful.

Beautiful writing.

Aerin said...

I thought the writing was well done, but not beautiful. It was confused, and clutching: perfect, perfect for the point of view of this poor girl. I had to wonder how old she was - because on one hand, she sounds so, so young, and on the other, she's obviously able to become pregnant. Then I thought perhaps she was disabled, which gives another layer of poignancy to the fact that she's now alone - and, as the beginning says, things may get better, or they may get worse. Such remarkable depth for so few words.

wrath999 said...

Excellent

Cricket said...

Outstanding story, It grabbed me and held me till the end, I love the way the tree took on human characteristics and the way the father got his just reward in the end. Kudos!

jason evans said...

Chilling in its understatedness, it's quiet narrative. It give even more power to the horrors happening. High marks!

Aine said...

Yikes-- so disturbing. I was enjoying the way the girl personified the tree and found friendship with it. And then, wham! The truth of the story. Very disturbing.

Great job of storytelling!