Sunday, February 24, 2008

Entry #33

Whispers
by SzélsõFa


I want you both to report.

The place we visited consisted of two types of life. We investigated them without getting too close.

One was similar to ours, but the other was not.

Tell me about the similarities.

Those have quite different forms of appearance.

They communicate the way we do - by means of whispering.

Are they articulate?

Yes, their intelligence is quite high.

I would say some of them might be as much intelligent or
higher than we are.

What makes you think so?

They convey complex messages.

No, there's more to it. They live in many dimensions and can travel time.

How many of them are there?

As I have said there are many forms of them.

Their number keeps decreasing.

Is it some illness, perhaps, or lack of resources?

No, it's the other form of life.

The unintelligent one.

Are there many of those?

Their number keeps growing. And they destroy all the other form of intelligence.

They have no senses to communicate with the other form of life.

What type do you think these lower forms of life belong to?

I think they belong to some bacteria.

They resemble the operation of cancer bodies.

And they seem to be overpowering the planet.

That's right.

They are convinced they are the leaders.

Do they not know the Law?

Well they have not the intelligence.

They make their own.

Are those of use?

No.

Not really.

Suggestions for action?

Destroy.

For the sake of the whisperers, destroy.

40 comments:

Remiman said...

I love this!
I wrote a similar piece (not for Jason's contest) in which I described mankind as a virus upon the planet.
Great use of dialog. I enjoyed it.
I think trees are smarter than us; maybe because they are less mobile?
rel

Beth said...

Well, it was my turn to be confused until Rel said we were a virus. I love that concept!

I'm curious about this line -- did you intentionally use English that was incorrect?

-- They make their owns. --

If not, make sure to take the "s" off so that it doesn't take away from your very original piece.

DBA Lehane said...

This is an original take and the notion as man as a disease is a wonderful idea!

SzélsőFa said...

Reniman,

I don't think it's immobility - it's sensitivity, rather. I'm glad you liked it, and if your provide me with the link to your writing I'd like to read it.

Beth,

it seems that we often find each other confusing, aren't we?
I contacted Jason.

Dba Lehane,

Thanks!
A wonderful idea, a frightening reality.
As word limit was tight, I could not make the picture more diverse, showing perhaps that there are different types of man, but...who knows...Perhaps it's the vision of the extraterrestrials to see all mankind as such.

Rob said...

Good job, SzélsõFa. I liked how you start the reader off guessing and slowly make it clear what's happening. Enjoyed this one.

Bernita said...

Well done, Szelsofa!
Neat progression.

Vesper said...

Excellent idea, Szelsofa, and I totally agree with it!
Very nicely conveyed through dialogue.

SzélsőFa said...

Thank you all - Rob, Bernita, Vesper, and others, for your kind words.

strugglingwriter said...

Very good idea and very well written.

I have been watching the Doctor Who television show lately and had it in my mind the whole time I was reading this. Somehow it seemed to fit.

Paul

BernardL said...

Well written and unique concept; but on behalf of Earth's apparent virus, I must protest. :)

bluesugarpoet said...

SzélsõFa - I love the triune conversation going on here; in particular, I love that those of high intelligence are the whisperers. It reminds me of expert animal trainers - also called whisperers. Nicely written!

SzélsőFa said...

Paul,

I did not know about that. You know I don't watch tv :)
I'm so glad you found it the way you did.

BernardL,

Oh yes, it is quite hard to accept :) Thanks for your kindness!

BlueSugarPoet,

actually, that thing about animal trainers popped into my mind after having finished it.

pjd said...

They resemble the operation of cancer bodies. Amen.

They are convinced they are the leaders. Ha! An apt comment for an election year.

Sarah Hina said...

Unique and compelling concept, SzelsoFa. "They make their own." This line is great. And so sadly true.

Very gripping writing, and wonderful follow through. Enjoyed it thoroughly! :)

r2 said...

Great concept. Wonderful dialogue. Very witty. Interesting and thoughtful.

Ello said...

This is one of my favorites! I love the idea of trees that whisper to each other so we can't hear them and considering us viruses. It is true, isn't it? It was their planet first! This was so excellent!

ChristineEldin said...

I guess because I know you, that I knew right away it was about man's impact on the planet.

I love the dialogue, and I especially love the ending!

Very creative and well-done!!

SzélsőFa said...

Pjd,

I'm glad you found some political meaning in between the lines :)

Sarah,

your words are much appreciated.

R2,

wow, thank you for your kind words.

Ello,

We have no sense, or we have lost that special sense...who knows... Thanks!

Chris,

I thought you would knew me that much :)
Thank you, Chris!

JLB said...

Hee hee - this is excellent. I like the unique way you put this together. It's always a matter of perspective, isn't it?

Hoodie said...

Wow, what a great idea! For some reason this concept is much more haunting to me than stories of ghosts or zombies (Though zombies are very scary, Paul). The whispering aspect, the intelligence. Downright horrific!

iLL Man said...

Szelsofa, a great idea. As someone said, the three voices are part of what makes it work so well

SzélsőFa said...

To Remiman again,

I have read your short scientific essay. I found it quite interesting - not to mention; well written, too.

JLB,

Perspective does matter.

Hoodie,

thanks! Sometimes the more mundane, the more haunting. Like someone said, commenting on Paul's entry that a good zombie story is not primarily about the zombies themselves: it's rather how people react. How their everyday life changes. I think Paul did that very, very well. But I'm gald you liked my version :))

IllMan,

Thank you. I really tried to create three different characters.

paisley said...

oh this was wonderful.. so sadly true as well....

raine said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this, and agreed wholeheartedly with the judgement, lol.
Very clevely done!

Posolxstvo said...

Nice twist. Although not unexpected, it was well done.

SzélsőFa said...

Paisley,

thank you.

Raine,

it is not easy to understand such a judgement...

Posolxstvo,

I'm glad you liked it, too.

JaneyV said...

To be sure, from another perspective the human race does look like a plague to be stamped out.

I hope nobody does though!

Great twist!

Aerin said...

I was grateful for the comments that had been left - they helped me understand, too! I found the writing effectively dry - almost detached - so well crafted to sound...just like an intel report!

*~*Sameera*~* said...

That was excellent!Seriously,the human race has much to be ashamed of.

Good luck :)

wrath999 said...

Yes man has clearly ruined the world. Very unique and very well done. Enjoyed it!

SzélsőFa said...

JaneyV,
for those who do not feel/act like a plague themselves, this approach can be frightening. But I'm afraid those are the minority.
I don't think this scenario will exactly happen like this, though. But again, I'm no clairvoyant...:)

Aerin,
That dry feeling might come from the limitation of word count and/or from the fact that this is a scientific report between researchers.

Sameera,
Truly so. Thank you for the good wishes!

Wrath999,
Some of man's ideas and approaches are indeed dangerous. I'm glad you liked it!

Dottie said...

I always admire when a writer can bring a message or moral into a story without sounding preachy. I really enjoyed this.

Aerin said...

Oh, absolutely (about the dry comment). I'm sorry, I didn't mean it as a negative; what I meant was that it was so well crafted to seem like a detached report, between researchers, as you say. It was done very well - a lot in so few words!

SzélsőFa said...

Dottie,

thank you. As always, I doubt those who understand are in appropriate position to do something against the phenomenon, and those who are, well...they can not hear me. Or the whisperers.

Aerin,

I knew you meant it as a positive comment, but thanks for making it clearer to me and for your kind words, too!

Linda Courtland said...

What an amazing piece of work. Brilliantly executed. I just love this one, for both the writing and the message.

SzélsőFa said...

I am humbled, Linda, thank you!

jason evans said...

This was a wonderfully inventive experiment. So much story is behind this world. It draws you in. Great narrative skill. High marks!

SzélsőFa said...

Thank you Jason.

Aine said...

Very creative perspective!

It scares me that the trees are becoming like us: willing to destroy any who don't follow "the Law". Isn't there room for all creatures on Earth? I would love to read the outcome of this if it were expanded.
:)

SzélsőFa said...

Aine,

I see your point, but...
not all whisperers are trees, plus their want to destroy humankind is rather a defensive act, like one eradicating a disease.
I think their Law, the general Law of the Universe allows for some self-defense.
I don't think it will be expanded, though.
Not in the near future.

Thanks for your encouragement.