Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Entry #48

My Dog Has Fleas
by Hoodie


“Check your tuning and play it again,” she had said, her staccato heels like a metronome on the hardwood floor. It was the first time he had heard it. The timbre of her voice had betrayed her in his perfect ears. His life would change. He had not needed to check his tuning. Somberly, he had played and watched her sway in the velvet tones.

Now Grandmother, her dark skirt billowing and rapping against fragile legs, held Mother in a shiny pot that clanged like tiny cymbals when its lid was removed. He planted himself beneath the solitary tree and heard its whispered prayer brush the hairs of his neck. His tie chuffed languidly as the wind caught its breath.

Beneath a struggling sky he brought the violin to his chin and began the deft process of tweaking pegs. He closed his eyes and a current of air like the wispy touch of Mother’s fingers placed his own on the neck. My Dog Has Fleas, he heard her intone. He listened as each pitch slid, sprang vibrantly into color and was then snatched away.

The sobs of mourners, ragged as saw-blades, cut through his ears as he began to play, forging the dissonant intervals of his heart. Unrehearsed, the tribute poured from him, polished pain. A breeze in F# picked up his song, along with the dusty essence of his mother. The gray cloud swirled and swayed as he watched her dance in his music one last time.

26 comments:

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Hoodie, this is beautiful, poignant, resonant with imagery and holds some utterly exquisite lines. Really well done, a very special piece of writing.

strugglingwriter said...

Yes. Great imagery. I like "her staccato heels like a metronome on the hardwood floor" and "The sobs of mourners, ragged as saw-blades, cut through his ears as he began to play, forging the dissonant intervals of his heart."

Very nice.

24crayons said...

This was beautifully written.

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

I saw and heard him playing as clearly as if I were there. It is so touching.

j.c. montgomery said...

"The gray cloud swirled and swayed as he watched her dance in his music one last time."

I do not believe I have ever read such an elegant and eloquent way to say 'Goodbye'.

Stunning.

sandra seamans said...

Just lovely, Hoodie. Lovely!

Sarah Hina said...

Rip my heart out, Hoodie. This was exquisite. So many of your lines sang to me, but none so plaintively as your last.

Beautiful from start to finish. One of my favorites, for sure.

Jaye Wells said...

Such lovely pain. And I love how you use the sense of sound throughout. Just a great piece, Hoodie.

Beth said...

Play it again, Sam. You are another one I always can't wait to read and am always delighted by what you write. Terrific!

Remiman said...

Hoodie,
No pastels here. Just bright sharp images, crystal clear tones...A synphonie of sounds in kinetic harmony. No better memorial could a son give.
Nice!
rel

Precie said...

So beautifully touching. It strikes all the right notes.

ChristineEldin said...

Each line is evocative and poetic. Another fantastic piece of writing!! A pleasure to read.

JLB said...

Everything about this piece is musical - you've given careful attention to every detail. Nicely done.

Anonymous said...

I could see the images and hear the music.

John McAuley

Aerin said...

I could hear the images and see the music. A multi-dimensional and lovely piece.

Thérèse said...

I love how carefully you choose your words, Hoodie. Music is the theme, and your metaphors and similes reflect it in such a satisfying way. This goodbye is a song and a sigh.

Wonderful piece. Great job.

SzélsőFa said...

Reading it is like listening to music, Hoodie. Very poetic! Congrats.

JaneyV said...

There is so much richness in this piece. Not a single syllable that doesn't contribute to its melody.

Incredible.

raine said...

Violinist here, and I'd say you hit just the right note with this one, Hoodie. Each word a carefully chosen tone.
Very well composed, maestro. Applause!

bekbek said...

A breeze in F#. Beautiful.

Dottie said...

This is really beautiful, Hoodie.

bluesugarpoet said...

"A breeze in F# picked up his song, along with the dusty essence of his mother." I love that line. This piece is beautifully layered with images and emotion. Nicely written!

SzélsőFa said...

Well done, Hoodie, I'm so glad you won.

The Quoibler said...

Awesome job! Woo hoo! :)

jason evans said...

Very inventive and beautiful! Extremely well done and effective. The sentiment simply amazed me. High marks!

Contratulations on 5th Place!!

Aine said...

Oh, excellent! I love how you wove musical description throughout without it ever becoming corny (or overdone). Each time I read it I find even more perfectly decribed images and emotions. Just beautiful.

Congrats!!

How did you ever get into "the zone" to write this while in the midst of packing and moving?