Thursday, July 10, 2008

Entry #4

Blond Hair
by Sharon Poppen


Jack glanced at the speedometer. Another five. At only fifty-five, he cursed himself for taking it so slow.

“Get it over with, asshole,” he yelled over the roar of his Harley.

The dark. Redwood-lined road was deserted. The chance he’d hurt anyone else was slim. So, get it over with, he screamed internally.

Visions flashed through his mind like the giant trees alongside the road. Blond visions. Blond with blue eyes. Blond hair flowing across her pillow as he lowered himself into her.

He looked back down. Sixty.

“Faster!”

He shook his head to banish the blond vision. It wouldn’t go away. Only the blond hair was no longer on the pillow and he couldn’t see the blue eyes. Blond hair was swinging wildly from side to side as it rode the body of his best friend.

He accelerated. But blond hair kept streaming across his mind. Only this time, it was swaying in the breeze of the playground swing.

‘Daddy, higher!’

“Baby,” he cried into the racing wind. His foot eased back and the speed began to drop.

The innocent blond hair and blue eyes of his child eased into his thoughts, replacing the betrayal. His child’s dimpled smile brought him back from the brink.

Jack pulled off the road and wept. He fell asleep atop a bed of dew-dampened tree needles. Thoughts of his future with his innocent blond eased the loss of his deceitful blond.

23 comments:

BernardL said...

A solid reason for recovery, and a new look on life.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Nice portrayal of innocence and betrayal.Glad that he has a reason to live :)

Sarah Hina said...

I like how you transitioned his torment into something stronger and filled with beauty. Very touching final image.

The blond hair was a great centerpiece. Nicely told!

ChrisEldin said...

Motorcycles always felt to me a means of freedom, as well as escape. I'm glad he changed his mind. I loved how you transitioned in the middle--the pacing was well done with this one too.

JaneyV said...

I like the path this piece took. I felt Jack's torment in the way he loved deceitful blond and anger at her betrayal. There was a real stark honesty there.

I'm glad he came back from the brink because of his daughter - it's the best reason to see the sense in a maddening situation.

wrath999 said...

'But blond hair kept streaming across his mind.' This line says it all. There is always something out there that's worth going on.

Very Nicely Done

J.C. Montgomery said...

What a great story. One that shows how powerful memories can be - as long as we can remember, and hold onto, the ones that matter most.

Beth said...

wrath999 posted my favorite line. Well written.

Charles Gramlich said...

A good upbeat ending. The child is a very nice touch.

Bernita said...

Beautifully done with the central blonde image.

sandra said...

Nice one, Sharon!!

wbnaylor@rocketmail.com said...

Good work, Sharon. Every rider and every writer should have a little
blonde to live for I guess...Will

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

I liked the blonde hair idea...
Very effective.
KLG

September said...

"But the greatest of these is Love"

so true in this story.

One blonde betrays, but the important one is sweet, innocent, and the reason he lives.

good job.

HavasuSharon said...

Thank you to all who have commented on my story. And a special thank you to Jason for the great prompt.

Wannabe Writer said...

Sharon, I love this tale. The juxtaposition between the cheating blond and his daughter is excellent. Let's us know that there is always something to live for. -Rita

joanita said...

Hi Sharon,
Love how you paced this. His thoughts , his angst racing the bike. It gave the story so much movement.
As usual you made this visual and involving.
Best of all I liked how you ended it - letting hope and innocence triumph over pain.
And yes, the blond hair as focus was compelling.
best,
Joanita

Hal said...

Sharon,
Great story. A tender and thought provoking tale on priorities.
Hal

Catherine said...

Thought provoking as always, Sharon and your writing shines! You beautifully portray the power that our loved ones can have over us.
Catherine

Linda said...

Great juxtaposition of blondes. You handled the portrayal of the man's turbulent mental processes with grace and skill. Good job!

laughingwolf said...

excellent, hope you expand on it...

Aine said...

Great illustration of the pain of betrayal. I'm glad he found his priorities-- too bad the other blond didn't....

jason evans said...

For a minute, I thought the child wasn't his either. Glad he saw the value in living. Hopefully for himself the most. Good pacing.