Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #121

The Long Ride Up
by Meghan Sullivan


I hoped the escalator ride would never end. When you’re on an escalator, it’s like being in limbo. Up you go, the world falling away, your destination hazy and distant. As long as you stay on it, nothing is expected of you. Maybe that’s why I wanted the escalator to just keep going, to rise endlessly so that I didn’t have to do anything.

As we ascended I looked down at the stair in front of me, its metal lines of destiny glowing like pale moonlight. How could something as mundane as an escalator stair be so otherworldly? I tried to ponder that mystery, but my eyes drifted to Kanji’s heels instead. I watched as he shifted his weight from right to left, the metal creaking underneath his leather boots. Was he uneasy? Was he bored? Did he not want to be there? With me?

What if I did take his hand? But suddenly I could hear his voice, harsh and full of alarm. “The hell are you doing!?” And like that our friendship would end. I loved him too much to risk that. Which is strange. I mean, there is something ironic about losing someone you love just because you make the mistake of saying “I love you.” So I kept my hands to myself and stayed silent, and prayed our journey would never end.

19 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

Haven't we all been there? On an escalator or elevator, deep in thought, contemplating when we will move again.

Selma said...

It is funny when uncertainty regarding a relationship can hit. I liked your use of the metal creaking escalator to highlight the protagonist's inner turmoil. Well done!!

September said...

I know I've been there.
Well done indeed.

Lena said...

I guess so many can relate to your story. Sometimes it is better to keep silent if you dont want to lose what you have. Well done!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Ces't la vie!Can very well empathize with her.

Good one :)

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

I liked the realism. We do entertain such thoughts while we are being transported along our way.

laughingwolf said...

well crafted :)

Margaret said...

The journey can't go on forever, (sadly) it has to end at sometime and we can't always remain silent for fear of saying the wrong thing. Very touching...

Terry said...

Meghan, you've touched a universal nerve with your story. Your last paragraph conveys so well the angst of your heroine. Been there, wasn't quite so silent. Still makes me blush.

Catvibe said...

I liked the secret love she carried, and the turmoil it caused her. I know that place. Well done.

Geraldine said...

A choice to be made. Should I or shouldn't I. Yes, we've all been there. Well done!

one more believer said...

love the impossible journey of an escalator and unspoken love... fear is a mighty enemy that keeps one from taking that next step... renee #45

Sarah Hina said...

Very poignant flood of feeling and fear here, Megan. I wanted her to take that chance, but understood that she couldn't lose what she already had. Complex interplay, and you did a great job of describing the conflicting pressures.

Really enjoyed this true-to-life take. It made me want to clamp down on my tongue right along with her. :)

bluesugarpoet said...

ah - unrequited love. That angsty conundrum was perfectly described with this piece. (although...he sounds tough, but maybe he was thinking the same thing?...lol)

jana

Carrie said...

This has to be my favourite. Good quality writing, excellent take on the picture, the emotional connection with the reader's there. Love it.

ceedy said...

So true...at some point in ones life one needs a friend more than the lover and taking THAT chance is scary....

Meghan said...

Wow! Thank you all so much for your comments. This contest has so many fantastic writers participating, and the fact that you took the time to read and comment on my story means a lot to me! (^_^)

Ÿ∂ Μ Î ŋÎ said...

well written :)

jason evans said...

Great job with pacing, entertainment value, techinical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.