Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #125

Waiting on a Miracle
by Esther Avila


Jack watched the television, his mouth open at the scene unfolding at Fashion Point Mall -- police tape, metal, skin, and chaos.

“Unbelievable!” he said to himself as the phone rang.

“Hey, are you watching the news?” Kyle asked. “Can you believe it?”

Just the day before, Jack and Kyle met for dinner -- and a few drinks.

“Stop being such a baby. If I were in that wheelchair, I wouldn’t be such a whiner,” Kyle had said.

“I dare you to spend the whole evening in a wheelchair.”

The deal was on. Heading to the mall, Kyle obtained a chair and proceeded to maneuver around the shops.

“Nothing to it,” he said. “I bet my grandma could do this blindfolded.”

“Tell me that after you take the stairs.”

Kyle headed to the escalator, ignoring the warning: Strollers and Wheelchairs Prohibited.

“Don’t do it Kyle. I was kidding.”

Too late.

Jack felt helpless as he watched his best friend tumble to the bottom of the s
tairs.

Laughing, Kyle stood, thankful for the beers that cushioned the fall.

A concerned crowd had gathered around him.

“I can walk,” Kyle yelled as he stood and pushed away the chair. “It’s a miracle!”

Jack’s attention turned back to the pretty reporter on the news

“…..two people are in critical condition and four others in serious condition after they rolled their wheelchairs down the escalator, apparently looking for a miracle. A man in his mid 20s was miraculously healed yesterday …..”

33 comments:

McKoala said...

Appreciated your twist!

kunal said...

good ending .. riveting in a way.

Lena said...

that was some good twist. but somehow it is good that people still believe in miracles, even though it does not work out always. Well written!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Ha ha!That was a good read,and relieving too :)

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Unique take. Good writing skills - I like the way the story unfolded. (Kyle needs an attitude adjustment- lol)

Scott said...

Things just work out for some people! I loved your take on the picture; this was a fun-to-read piece.

laughingwolf said...

nice twist :)

Aerin said...

oh, my gosh. such a great story - LOVE this

wrath999 said...

Cool and enjoyable tale

RiverSoul said...

Loved the macabre twist...
Heh! Heh!

Server them right for blindly believing everything they see.
:D
Do read my story too.
:)
#86.
:)

peggy said...

what a twisty ending. good job!

BernardL said...

Ouch! Well done.

Aine said...

Oh!! Fabulous! And, sadly, so true to human nature.

You had me on the edge of my seat until the scene was revealed.

Loved it!!
:)

Patsy said...

I wasn't expecting that.

Jaye Wells said...

Loved the punch line. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

Wicked! Loved it.
John McAuley

bluesugarpoet said...

Nice twist at the end - completely unexpected! - jana

Catvibe said...

I really love the ending!

BrownPhantom said...

Nothing prepared me for the end.
Very fuuny :).

-Prashant Dhanke

iLL Man said...

Never be shy of a sick joke........... =D

Minimal fuss in the telling and the gag came out of nowhere.

Nicely done.

Ewen.

pjd said...

Like everyone else, I love the brilliant twist. The buildup really sells it.

Senorita said...

LOL...great writing... loved the end :)

September said...

Thank you for reading it and commenting. It sure was fun writing it. I got the idea after my daughter tripped on one and jokingly said the same thing after standing up (though not on stairs)and being a news reporter, I had to throw one into the story. :)
I've enjoyed reading all of the other stories too. I am almost done too. There sure were a lot of them. Thanks again.

sawan said...

Esther, tht was a grt grt story and a grt msg too..

Terry said...

Esther, such inspired writing! I could really see your characters, and I loved the line, "...thankful for the beers that cushioned the fall." I've dated this idiot. Fun read with an outrageous twist.

Geraldine said...

Naughty but nice. Tres interesting take on this photo prompt!

September said...

Sawan, Terry and Geraldine - Aww...You guys warmed my heart and made me smile. Thank you so much for the kind and uplifting comments.

ceedy said...

Nice story...and a good message...

What the heck take a chance will ya.....

Sarah Hina said...

I loved this one, Esther! Such a natural unfolding of events, making the twist that much more memorable. You did so much right with this joke gone wrong. :)

Expertly written, with convincing characters and dialogue. The desire to believe can lead people to do crazy things. Well done!

September said...

Ceedy and Sarah, thank you so very much for your comments. They mean a lot to me.

Everyone: Well, I read every single story in the contest - all 125 of them, and some of them I read two to three times. I also commented on each and every one.

Wonderful little contests Jason runs. They are fun to write, and even more fun to read and learn.

Terry said...

Thanks for giving us another wonderful example of how it's done! Congratulations on placing so highly in this talented little pond.

jason evans said...

Congratulations on the honorable mention!

Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.

September said...

Oh Terry - You're too kind. Thank you.

Jason: Thank you for all of the hours you put into this. Your contests and comments are greatly appreciated and have encouraged me to take a leap of faith.
I write newspaper articles but my heart and soul wants to move towards short stories again - and I want to continue with my novel once more...
thank you for re-firing me up.