Thursday, January 08, 2009

Entry #23

The Long Climb
by Herschel Cozine


It’s quiet—eerily quiet. Most escalators creak and groan. This one makes no sound at all.

This isn’t the mall! There are no stores, and except for the man in front of me, there are no people. I must be dreaming. That’s it! This is all a dream.

The last thing I remember was driving down the freeway on my way to work. Friday. Yes, it is Friday. I know because I brought my bowling ball for Friday night league.

It’s starting to come back to me. A car coming toward me. I remember braking, but I’m not certain that I stopped in time. I can see the driver’s face, frozen in horror. I can hear the thud, then the scrunch of metal and breaking glass. Then—silence. Nothing.

He was just a kid, no more than nineteen. Like the kid here in front of me.

I reach out to touch him.

Slowly he turns. I recoil in shock. His face, still frozen in horror, stares at me out of dead eyes.

My God!

I touch my own face. Cold.

Looking down, I see the flashing lights of emergency vehicles.

And my car.

21 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That was creepy!Well written :)

wrath999 said...

Cool Very well done.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Every person's nightmare. Told well.

Sarah Hina said...

Very vivid writing here. I wasn't expecting the other driver to be accompanying him, so that was a great touch. Nice pacing and details, Herschel. Very well told.

Geraldine said...

Well done. Great suspense built into the lines.


www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

laughingwolf said...

ooo a chiller, thank you :)

Lena said...

Very well told. Really great perspective.

peggy said...

now thats a scarey look at heaven, nicely done, very interesting too. Good job!

sawan said...

Jeez, Herschel , how do u imagine such tings?? scary!! well written!!

Ruinwen said...

Spine tingling to the very end. Great story. :)

Leatherdykeuk said...

Super! Well done!

one more believer said...

that is just as it is the end meets the beginning...a wonderful story of seconds drawn out and all on an excalator..who knew...

JR's Thumbprints said...

Sounds like your narrator got off that escalator, while the other driver stayed on. Very crisp writing here, very vivid.

JaneyV said...

Nice twist that his companion to the afterliffe is the boy in the other car. Chilling Herschel and very well told.

Patsy said...

I'm so glad it was the up escalator and they were both headed in the same direction.

C.A. Riddell said...

Very crisp, indeed. Kept me hooked till the end. Well done.

Margaret said...

Sent shivers down my spine...

Well done....

Catvibe said...

It's amazing how many entry's are escalators to heaven or hell! Very nice job, well written.

bluesugarpoet said...

Nice touch of irony to this eerie story! - jana

September said...

You did an excellent job writing this. I loved your description of the boy's dead eyes and the m.c.'s "cold" face.
Very good.

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!