Sunday, January 11, 2009

Entry #46

Arrival
By Jenn Faris


One step, one step at a time, it's simple, so simple and yet he struggles to put one foot in front of the other.

Take the first step; deny the fear, platitudes he's heard before. But this...he's closer now, one footstep away from the metal stairs. And he wants to climb, to step on like everyone around him, but his mouth is dry and he's so very afraid.

He can see the top, see the people exiting, see the glimpse of sun above the glass roof. And he stares wistfully up, wishing he could move, wishing he could follow them, take his place and join the masses. Be like them; be like everyone that he isn't. And maybe he doesn't want to be like them, and maybe he wants to be himself, only he's not sure who he is anymore.

He's close, close to ascending, to being a part of everything above. One last step and he'll be there, he'll have reached the top. His eyes drift shut and he thinks of moving up, of going up to where he needs to be and he smiles a pure smile, the warmth of the sun on his upturned face and he knows he's joined them. He sees the others, hears the approval, feels the acceptance, and he thinks perhaps he had nothing to fear before this moment.

No one notices the boy waiting in the corner, afraid to take his first step, a beatific smile on his young, frightened face.

15 comments:

Lena said...

Made me feel like i am ascending theer too.. felt like a part of this story.. Great work here done! Loved it :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Kind of eerie!Well narrated,good one :)

JaneyV said...

I loved the way you showed us his conflict; the desire to be a part of something better, to take his place with the others and the fear of the unknown.
His eyes drift shut and he thinks of moving up, of going up to where he needs to be and he smiles a pure smile, the warmth of the sun on his upturned face and he knows he's joined them
This is such an uplifting statement. I love the image of the child smiling a pure smile.

I think this was a lovely reflective piece.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Perhaps my mind is in a dark place. You did a great job with the POV. I knew early on it was a child. I was looking for him to get his hand chewed in the escalator. Did you know that escalator's cause more hand injuries than feet injuries? Anyway--where was I?--oh yeah, you did a good job showing us his desires, his perspective.

Sarah Hina said...

Heartfelt, poignant piece, Jenn. If only we could be everything we imagine ourselves to be.

Strong descriptions of his fear and longing. I find myself wanting to take his hand, but maybe he needs to face it on his own.

laughingwolf said...

just proves the point, a child needs a steady, preferably parental, hand to best navigate the unknown... well done :)

September said...

I cheered for him as I read - good work, and I loved the ending.

Ello said...

Oh that was really lovely! well done!

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

a feel good story - well told!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Will he ever get there, I wonder!

Catvibe said...

I liked this. It reminded me of being a child and feeling all of that fear of the unknown. It was heartbreaking to imagine no one noticing the boy and his fear. You just want to go hug him, ya know, let him know it'll all be ok!

ceedy said...

The innocence of the child - a mind that is unadulterated - is portrayed beautifully....once he conquers those fears then he will discern good and bad and then maybe start neglecting things...

well written

bluesugarpoet said...

I never realized that my mother had a fear of riding the escalator until I once found my self at the top of the ride and turned around to see my mom still standing at the bottom. She took the stairs instead. You've perfectly described the internal monologue I imagine any phobic might have when attempting to conquer his or her fear. Well done!

Jana

jason evans said...

Great job with pacing, storytelling, and voice!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much for the comments. I enjoyed taking part in this contest and look forward to more challenges.

Jenn Faris