Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Entry #71

Second Floor: Housewares, Ladies' Fashions, and Lingerie
by Michael Pelc

His brain, which was still inside his head when he walked through the doors of Hudson's Department Store, guided Stanley Bartowski to the sporting goods section. A new shipment of baseball gloves had just arrived, and Stanley looked like any other innocent, freckle-faced, twelve-year-old boy as he tried them out and dreamed of summer soon to come. He picked out a Mickey Mantle model, and taking advantage of the wide aisles near the escalator, he pretended to play shortstop. He darted to his right, made a quick, backhanded stab of a hot grounder, then whirled and fired off an imaginary throw to first.

At this point a strange and inexplicable phenomenon occurred. Over all the conversations between sales clerks and customers, over all the ringing of cash registers, over all the scoldings that mothers were giving their misbehaving children, a single pre-recorded word drifted down from the second floor and found its way to Stanley's ear.

"Lingerie," it said, and it was as though a trap door opened up inside Stanley's head. His brain, which for years had resided in the region between his ears and behind his eyes and just above his nose, fell out of his head, plummeted through his body, and came to rest directly behind his zipper.

"Lingerie," it whispered, and Stanley dropped the Mickey Mantle model baseball glove.

"Lingerie," it whispered again, and he got on the escalator.

"Lingerie," it insisted, and he grinned in anticipation.

"Lingerie," it screamed, and Stanley Bartowski ascended into hell.

26 comments:

Lauri said...

Shame, I hope that this is not the normal trajectory for 12 yr old boys. Funny piece.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Lol!That was a good insight into an adolescent boy's mind :)

h said...

lol! cool one!

Jennifer said...

Very clever! Nicely done.

Lena said...

Well done. Thats one really funny piece of writing!

wrath999 said...

'plummeted through his body, and came to rest directly behind his zipper.' Great line about his brain. Very well done.

Dottie said...

Perfect opening line. Great story.

laughingwolf said...

lol... gotta love it! :)

Aniket Thakkar said...

I guess I was 14 when i ascended to THAT hell... lolz!!! Those were good days man.... good days! Nicely done!! :P

The Preacherman said...

now that I do like. Nice one mate

JR's Thumbprints said...

Interesting coming-of-age story, and yeah, the real hell begins.

JaneyV said...

Michael I think this was wonderful. I love the way you showed this wide-eyed kid dreaming about baseball and how that one word sent him crashing into puberty. Poor little sod.

sandra seamans said...

You always make me laugh, Michael! Great, fun story.

BernardL said...

Oh yeah! :)

Sarah Hina said...

This one truly did make me laugh out loud (it was his brain plummeting to his zipper). Wonderfully funny turn, Michael, and yet so true, too (er, I'm assuming). :)

Clever writing, and a fantastic premise! Very well done.

Prashant Dhanke said...

Michael , you took me back to those wonder years. Very funny :)

SzélsőFa said...

Excellent little piece :)
The way a man's brains usually moves, I loved the description, so, funny!

Tina said...

Ahaha, talk about a very adolescent moment. :) This made me laugh.

McKoala said...

Nicely written and hilarious - perfect comic timing.

sawan said...

lol, funny and many times true :P good one Michael

Catvibe said...

Voi che sapete! Nice job portraying sexual awakening in adolescent boyhood. Good writing too. I enjoyed it.

Terry said...

I am astounded by what appears to me to be a perfect piece of writing. The whole thing is fantastic (and I, personally, will never write again.) but, your third paragraph is just over-the-top. Poignant, charming and hilarious...

Sharon Poppen said...

Yep. I remember the day it happened to my son. You've captured it well. The movement from head to zipper phrasing was brilliant. Thanks for the memories.

September said...

Bravo. I love this coming of age story. Life will never be the same again. Beautifully written.

Terry said...

Michael, I was very surprised not to see you in the top five. All things considered, this was probably my favorite piece. I love your writing style, your subject choice, and your hilarious take...Somewhere, Jason said that he focuses on 'showing and not telling' and maybe that's where you lost marks. Save this, of course, and submit it elsewhere. I hear that Reader's Digest is running their 78th Annual writing contest with about ten different categories in which to submit. Deadline is May 15. I think your writing style is exactly suited to that audience. I hope you'll think about entering something. Good luck to you!

jason evans said...

Great job with pacing, storytelling, and voice!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!