Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Entry #73

by Posolxstvo

Kerry knew that her fear was unfounded, but that didn’t make it any less real. She studied the metal stairs going up before disappearing into a teeny tiny little gap way up at the top, and knew that there was no way that she could fit there.

Yet, as she put her foot out, the vision of being sucked away would not leave her.

“Geez!” gasped Ben, behind her. “Just get on!”

But she couldn’t.

“Tell you what,” Ben conceded. “I’ll get on first and hold your hand. And when we get to the top, I’ll help you across. Okay?”

He stepped past her, turned around and looked her in the eyes.

“Okay? You ready?” he asked.

She nodded. Shaking. Unsure.

He stepped back, holding her hands and gently guided her forward. Her heart raced as her foot contacted the first metal stair and she was pulled upward. Her back foot soon joined the front. She focused on Ben’s face and her breathing.

In. Out. Look at Ben. Again.

The top approached. Too fast. Too close. But Ben smiled. “You can do this.”

His voice was so soothing. So calm. So sure.

Which made it that much more terrifying when he fell forward against her, his eyes contorted with shock and terror and pain. Looking behind him, she could see the eyes and teeth of the Whateveritwas under the stairs, grinning gleefully as Ben’s entire body collapsed, torn away, ripped right from her arms.


*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Good one,reminded me of my take :)

The horrifying end sent a chill up my spine.

Lena said...

ohhh... poor Ben.. i so enjoyed the way he cared of Kerry.. and then such a horrifying end.

Nothingman said...

too many monsters under those escalators!! i mean it seems like there is almost a group of them hiding in there :)

I liked the way the story progressed...building up to a gruesome end :D



laughingwolf said...

always freaky, those whateveitwas!

nicely done :)

JR's Thumbprints said...

I'm afraid the Muffin Monster got her boyfriend. I liked the short spurt of words in just the right places. Good job.

JaneyV said...

Escalators and monsters are made for each other aren't they? I think we naturally feel suspicious of machinery that reinforced our own sloth. On a subconscious level it's like we're asking to be punished just for being so lazy.

I love the horror take here.

BernardL said...

It just goes to show: eyes front when facing the monster. :)

Sarah Hina said...

What a wicked end! Nice twist that the fearless one should meet his doom. I liked the slow, but safe-feeling build of tension, right before the gruesome final paragraph. Good descriptions, too.

Strong writing here! :)

McKoala said...

There are monsters! Loved the unexpected ending.

sawan said...


Catvibe said...

Yikes, the saying 'never turn your back on the ocean' takes a whole new twist here. And I thought this was going to be a story about him helping her conquer her fear. I'm sure she'll never step on an escalator again now. :-) Nice job.

September said...

Oh....he fell? poor guy after helping her. what an ending.
nice writing.

Terry said...

Hail, fellow INTJer! At first, this story made me smile. It reminded me of my own fear of mounting an escalator after living a secluded life in Alaska. Apparently, not only are all the helpful guys either married or gay, but they also get mauled by the Whateveritwas. Much in the same way that I let you suck me into this very pleasant tale, and then WHAM! Very well done.

jason evans said...

Great job with pacing and storytelling!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!