Whenever I'm alone and you're lost out there
I can feel you breathe 'cause our lungs we share
When I'm alone, anytime anywhere
I can feel your heart beat, 'cause our blood we share
I was scared when you came into my room
The walls became the sea, your voice was the moon
Oh, when you rocked me in your arms, like a song
A wave on the tide of you
--Maria McKee, Breathe
She dragged her coat from the hook and zipped up against the April night. She didn't have to go out. Her house was lit and warm.
Outside, the chill air didn't move. The world perched, expectant, but winter refused to fade away. It hitched a ride on the cold rain. It crawled from the Earth. It traded sparkling snows for upturned mud and spikes of wild grass.
She walked.
Alone.
Thinking and thinking and thinking.
Clouds swallowed the moon as they swallowed the sun. Mists twinkled. The fog was too tired to spirit away the world.
Another set of footsteps clipped toward her.
A man.
She moved to the edge of the sidewalk to let him pass, but something in the way he moved made her slow.
She stopped. In disbelief.
"What am I doing here?" he said. "I don't know, really. I think I, um, felt like going for a walk. Or something like that." He gave it a moment of thought, then nodded, satisfied.
She felt the surprise on her face warm to a huge smile. "You live almost an hour away!"
"Really?" he said. "I mean, yes, I guess I do."
She shook her head, still smiling. No words came. Just disbelief. Unbelievably delicious disbelief.
He lowered his eyes. His hands in his pockets half shrugged.
She glanced back at her house. How could he have known? She never went for walks at night.
"So," he said. "Would you, um, like to go for a walk?"
He offered an arm.
She locked on, and although she didn't meet his eyes, she didn't care how tightly she took it.
20 comments:
Jason is a romantic! Not there is anything wrong with that...
"What am I doing here?" he said. "I don't know, really. I think I, um, felt like going for a walk. Or something like that."
I particularly liked this...the answering of a question not asked in the text. Very capturing.
If I had read this post... just the post with no credentials or anything. I could have sworn that Sarah wrote it.
And I mean it in the sense of appreciating it because she creates one of the most touching romantic pieces. And this one lies right there at the top with them.
Since am a true romantic at heart myself... I completely loved it.
"Really?" he said. "I mean, yes, I guess I do."
I had a huge grin at my face while reading this... it was like directly looking at them from behind a tree or somehting... :-)
Aniket so has the right of it for me Jason about this one. I really liked this piece, I like the way you write....the diversity of it.....from romantic to analytical....Nice post
Linda
You certainly are quite the idealist... But I've known that for...well, forever.
If I didn't already know you, I think I'd be falling in love. You sure know how to create mystical beauty and connection.
:)
In addition to what the others have said about the romatic aspects of your writing, I see poetry in your prose:
"The world perched, expectant, but winter refused to fade away. It hitched a ride on the cold rain. It crawled from the Earth. It traded sparkling snows for upturned mud and spikes of wild grass."
Beautiful. You really can do it all!
I love that the night world feels like extensions of themselves. Like they're both answering a call they're not yet aware of. Everything becoming clear, in that fog.
Yes, one of my favorites, for sure. The dialogue, the connection, your immensely romantic, yet believable, touch. It's all there. Breathing.
:)
Cold nights need a little warmth that isn't found in a heated home.
The second paragraph is strikingly beautiful. It reminded me, quite seriously, of the passage from "The God of Small Things" I cited in my top 25 list. Which means, in case you can't tell, I loved your second paragraph.
I also love the male character--sort of nervous, but very earnest with the quesitoning, the "I mean, yes, I guess I do," the shrugging. What woman could resist? :)
And finally, I love the love story playing out here between the author and his wife. ;)
Oh, this is so very lovely and poetic, Jason. A tender tale woven to perfection.
I want to read more. Or could be my heart.
How nice to read something happy :-) It's good to believe romance is alive and well in the Universe.
Dear Jason,
I've heard and heard about your blog (from aniket, catharine and jennifer) but this is the first time i actually came to look.
what can i say? each post is magical...
thank you for this lovely lovely story, and all the others that i've only just started reading.
it was such a pleasure to have visited. hope to kepp coming back.
take care. do visit.
What a lovely, romantic story Jason.
Like Jennifer, I loved the male character. The way he's a bit unsure whether he's doing & saying the right thing. But what he does say is just perfect.
Just what I needed right now to lighten my mood. Thanks :)
Walking Man, oh yes, I have my romantic streak. I see from several comments that the characterization of the guy worked well. Very cool!
Aniket, I defer to Sarah in the romance department. ;) Her romances are so bright and uplifting. I don't deny that I harbor my own romantic writing tendencies. However, mine tend to be darker. They feel like a release, a breaking of tension, an end of isolation.
Linda, thank you! I very much enjoy bringing in those different facets.
Aine, as you so aptly say, a rational idealist.... :) That has always been a tremendous anchor we share. And meet me outside in the moonlight later. It's going to be a warm night. ;)
Karen, I'm very happy that those poetic touches work. I think it lends a power to the more sparse language I tend to write in. Those particular lines were the soul of the moment to me. It reflected the people as much as the setting.
Sarah, you know how I love scenes to be extensions of the mood and the state of mind of the characters. ;) This piece was a particularly strong union of those things. It was as if the people and the world around them were one complex system coming together for something beautiful in its simplicity.
Charles, very aptly put. They both shed their constraints.
J, such sweet things to say, on many levels. :) The God of Small Things...I really love that concept. I do believe there is greatness to be experienced in small things.
Kaye, thanks, my friend. I'm trying to keep the poetic spirit alive. :)
Milly, there will be more moments. It may not be these characters, but the spirit is held in common.
Terri, very alive and well. Thanks!
Little Girl Lost, thank you so much for coming over! Yes, I'd love to have you back. And I will certainly visit your slice of the blog universe. (And thank you for the high compliment!)
Margaret, it's particularly poignant when, despite nerves and uncertaintly, the truth of the situation burns through. Even she is afraid to look in his eyes at the end. But the touch between them is the truth.
Aren't surprises like that, the best? This was a lovely romantic story to read Jason. You've told it well.
Outside, the chill air didn't move. The world perched, expectant, but winter refused to fade away.
Love that. And I love romantic stories like these!
Geraldine, very much appreciated!
Meghan, thanks for the feedback! A dose of romance is good for most stories, no?
At first I was afraid of him because he was just 'a man', but since she knew where he lived I guess he's ok. She can walk with him, I'll let her. Love it Jason, haven't seen much on the romance side from you so this was really sweet to see. (Aine, did I tell you yet you got a good one here?)
(Cat, thanks! I know... but it's always nice to hear from others. Validates that I wasn't blinded, so to speak... ;) And it seems as though you've got one, too!!)
We can be in the we heart INTP club. :-)
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