Monday, July 13, 2009

Entry #104

One Wonderful Day
by Tre'von


How do you solve a problem like Maria? Duh, you kill the bitch. Or at least buy her a new outfit. Unfortunately, the bitch was already dead. More unfortunate, Maria was both stubborn and overconfident, she could never be told anything. I shot glares at her body as I stood over her casket, sipping red wine from a glass. She wore a baggy yellow dress that wrapped around her small frame like a Hefty bag. She'd picked that dress out months before she kicked it. I glanced around, scanning the crowd for similar reactions.

I never loved my cousin. Understatement, I hated the bitch. Underline. Exclamation. My mother had dragged me here kicking and screaming. Nobody liked her. She was a horrible person, a ghoul in every sense of the word. News of her tragic heart attack had passed through the family like the peaceful calm after an orgasm. Now before you get on your sissy high horse, know this: I'm not bitter and I was never jealous. I was jealous of what she had and squandered. My own mom had paid her more attention. And for what? I was just as pretty and ambitious, as said by my uncle as he buried his stubbled face between my twelve year old thighs during a late night visit.

I dumped the rest of the wine on her dress. Frankly, it was an improvement. Rest in hell you old bitch, I thought. My mom came to take me back to my seat.

21 comments:

Laurel said...

Fantastic opening! Great inner dialogue. The details, while too dark to be outright funny, are very witty.

Nice.

The Preacherman said...

The humour's about as dark as it could ever be. Terrific writing. Well enjoyed this one.


Four Dinners

JR's Thumbprints said...

The details about the uncle pretty much sums-up the relationship between narrator,cousin, and family.

Leatherdykeuk said...

I like this piece very much. Such backstory in so few words.

laughingwolf said...

supremely well told...

Catvibe said...

The one sentence about the uncle really puts this entire thing into perspective. Ugh! Someone mentioned dark humor, but I'm left almost in tears. There is a lifetime of pain in her words and I can feel it. Well done.

Aerin said...

Wow. That was a punch in the stomach. Not a single word out of place - brilliance.

Beth Harar said...

Your writing is fantastic.

Karen said...

Great from beginning to end. Love the first lines. This is dark and very sad.

Precie said...

Such a vivid and powerful voice!

Aniket said...

I was uncertain as to where this was leading in the beginning. And therein lies the charm of the writing.

As said by others its dark and sad and kinda leaves you numb by the end.

Strong writing throughout.

BernardL said...

Grim, bleak, and well written.

pjd said...

What CatVibe and Aerin said. A lifetime of pain, a punch in the gut.

Deb S said...

What a strong voice. Nice job.

Tre'von said...

Hey guys. Thanks, I'm impressed that this felt real to you all. I was actually going for funny with this short. Trust me, if I had a published book for ya'll you would know that this girl isn't too nice herself. But at least you all saw her as flawed instead of a bitch who spat mean words, so THANKS...

Chris Eldin said...

I felt torn after reading it because I could see the dark humor until the very last bit. Then it was pure pain. The last few lines had a lot of punch.

Terri said...

Issues, anyone?

Seriously... this is like a short film noir; really striking.
"News of her tragic heart attack had passed through the family like the peaceful calm after an orgasm."
Not a line I'm likely to forget in a hurry ;-)

Aerin said...

Tre'von - I think, partly, the humorous voice of this chick (I feel like she's related to my sister in that way) is what made the ending so explosive.

I keep sneaking back to your comments to see if you keep a blog - I would definitely be a follower! :)

Tre'von said...

Ibthoughr you had to be an adult to do that. I'd keep one if I knew how. Agaain, thanks guys!

JaneyV said...

A painful and starkly honest piece Tre'von - I can't say I enjoyed it but I was very moved by it.

jason evans said...

Drinking at a funeral. A nice, belligerent touch. The pain has distilled to a hard anger.

Welcome to The Forties Club!