Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Entry #131

What’s Wrong with Suzy
by Dean Clayton Edwards


Suzy was convinced there must be something wrong with her because she hadn’t ever had a boyfriend. She admitted to being old-fashioned, because she was raised by her grandmother.

I slid my hand over hers and for once she resisted the urge to pull away.

New Year was a time for new experiences; a time for change.

*

It was five to midnight.

I went to the kitchen to get more wine. When I went back to the bedroom Suzy was perched on the edge of the bed in a simple nightdress, looking up at me with a tremulous smile. She was beautiful.

Crouching behind her was a dwarfish, old woman in a dark-blue smock. Her hair was cropped and coal-black in contrast to her thin, blue lips. She was gazing at the back of Suzy’s head with a sad little smile. She then turned to me, her features stiffening.

The bottle of wine hit the ground.

Then the wine glasses, one of which shattered; the other only cracked.

The old woman spat at me. “You’re not to touch her!” She returned her heavy, black gaze to Suzy and made as if to reach for her. “She’s my little girl.”

*

We were one minute short of a year when Suzy ran away from my flat. She told me that she knew I would reject her. She said that if her grandmother had been alive this would never have happened.

“I know, Suzy,” I said. “I know.”

23 comments:

laughingwolf said...

ooo a good'un :)

Catvibe said...

LOL! Being haunted really gets in the way of a good relationship, you know? Nice one.

wrath999 said...

An enjoyable tale!

alex

Laurel said...

Great ghost story! Poor Suzy.

Hoodie said...

Ooh, I love me a good ghost story. Very nice. Great concept.

Terri said...

oooh freaky! Great story, Dean, I can see the scene crystal-clear in my head.

Dottie said...

I agree with Hoodie. Great ghost story. This was original and fresh. Nice work.

Dean Clayton Edwards said...

Thanks everyone. Much appreciated!

Mona said...

OH! I love this tale! You are a good storyteller!

JR's Thumbprints said...

I wonder how much influence this ghost really has on the narrator. We already how much influence she has on Suzy.

Patsy said...

Very good!

Aimee Laine said...

Talk about a black cloud over one's head! That was spooky (and good!)

Kurt Hendricks said...

I loved the tremulous smile line. I can see that smile perfectly in my head. Great writing!

rebecca said...

oh, i can picture the old woman and my hairs stand on end. very, very creepy and very, very good....

BernardL said...

Where's the Ghostbusters when you need them. :)

Aerin said...

Bernard's comment made me giggle - but he's right; this felt like the sort of half-light/half-dark piece appropriate for Ghostbusters.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Poor Suzy. Will she ever find out why she gets rejected? Well done.

pjd said...

Ghostbusters, yeah, but... how can you hire the hit squad on your own grandma?

Christina said...

Poor Suzy indeed. Well done.

Aniket said...

Lovved it.

Ghost story with a twist.
Can't get any better than that!

JaneyV said...

An excellent ghost story - nothing cheesy and just the right amount of chilling!

Memory said...

oh my! What happened to sweet little old grandmothers.... this one was scary. nice ghost story.

jason evans said...

Yikes. Get that grandmother away! Her shadow reaches beyond the grave.

High marks for technical elements.