The Misgiving
by Amrita Bhatia
“Honey, I’m home!!!”
Mariah? Honey???
“Oh! There you are. I brought your favorite bottle of wine baby”
“What’s the occasion?” She said frowning.
“We are together, and that’s reason enough to celebrate, isn’t it darling??”
“Okay, if you say so”
What a liar. I can smell her perfume on his shirt.
“So how was your day?”
He was sounding so unlike himself.
“Umm…. The usual”
“Well I had a pretty good day. I’m getting promoted next month. Todd says once we are through with the Zeta deal, it’s just a matter of days.”
“Oh well congratulations then. I’m happy for you” this sounded so unconvincing and shallow even to her.
“You didn’t get the wine sweetie??”
“No I kept it for later, let’s have it on the patio after dinner”
“As you say baby”
He was waiting on the deck, thinking about Mariah, and how happy she made him. She seemed a bit off colour today.
Well that would change in a while, he thought, a faint smile appearing on his face.
She took the bottle from the kitchenette, and crept her way to the terrace.
“Hey!!... I …… Ahhhhhhh!!!!!”
He fainted, blood oozing out of his head.
“You think you’ll cheat on me and I’ll never get to know? You scoundrel!!!” she screamed and pushed him down the verandah.
The ring gleamed with all its brilliance midst broken glass and the wine on the floor.
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
About Me
- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
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21 comments:
Mistaken jealousy? D'oh! And another round of blood graces the floor of Clarity of Night. Sad, this one, since it sounds like she was wrong.
Well written...Poor guy..and his dreams...
Two lessons have been affirmed with remarkable frequency in this contest:
1. Don't mingle your romantic affairs with anyone who has developed their jealous streak too broadly.
2. Pour your own damn drinks. From a bottle you guarded like the nuclear football.
A sad end for a sweet fellow.
Just deserts, eh? That'll teach him!
Ah, Amrita! C'est la vie, huh? I liked your story.
Nothing like a bit of jumping-to-conclusions to ruin a perfectly good proposal, eh?
The ending evoked quite a strong "Oooooh" eyes-closed reaction - well done :-)
that's gotta hurt!
Double Whammy!
Nice one :)
N
Did she hit him with that wine bottle? - He got it to her.
Well I have to agree with laughingwolf :O
Some folks should see it coming. This is such a case.
@Catvibe: Yes it’s indeed sad. Thanks. :)
@Rohan: Thanks :)
@Laurel: He he.... very true ... your advice. :)
@Laughingwolf: Yeah..... Shit happens.... and all d time :)
@Tessa: The guy was innocent.
@Ranee: Thanks :)
@Terri: Thanks a ton. I'm happy it had the desired effect
@Nothingman: Thank you :)
@Gughan: Yes she hit him with the wine bottle. Thanks :)
@JR's Thumbprints: Can't blame the guy he was blinded by the love for her. Thanks
@All: Somehow the theme of the contest "In Vino Veritas" brings out darker stories. Although i tried very hard to think of a gentler storyline, i failed miserably, and since i had to take part in this contest, i posted this one. But i'm glad it did manage to have the desired effect.
Thanks once again everyone :)
interesting take.
*hums* they call the wind Mariah....
....or, in the case of this story - beware the tornado that is Mariah...
And you thought it was a sweet couple story? Hah! not when Ms. Bhatia is here, I love it!
Makes me wonder if he's not better off. :)
Laurel: If there's one thing I've learned in reading 136 of these, it's that you will be one of the first commenters, and your comment will contain both wisdom and unbridled humor. Your comments have been 100% worth reading.
This story makes me sad and angry because I HATE it when people jump to conclusions and then act rashly without verifying the facts. Kind of like the previous American president and those elusive WMDs.
@Laurel: ROFL!!!"From a bottle you guarded like the nuclear football."
@Amrita:
I don't know how I missed it before. Sorry to have taken so long to get here. Had a pretty bad run at office over the last week.
Since we are friends I can be totally honest right?
I do think that if you read this a couple of times again, you'll yourself realize how you can change a few lines here and there to sound more with the flow like you could use "He sounded so unlike himself" instead of "He was sounding so unlike himself."
I'm in the learning phase too so probably not the best person to be giving advices. :D But I know you'll take in a good stride. Anything to make us get better should be welcome, right? :P
All in all. I loved the piece. Jealousy is worst of all sins. I often used to be its prey. Have been working on it now.
Good work! :D
@quin: Thank a ton
@Aerin: He he, yes she's a tornado alright :) Thanks
@Aditi: You are always so generous with your comments. Thanks a lot :)
@Bernard: Well the story was supposed to make u wonder. Thanks :)
@pjd: Thank u for your views. And yes i have to agree with you about Laurel.
@Aniket: Thank you for all the advice, and it will be welcome in the future too. Also as i mentioned in my earlier comment, i tried very hard to come up with a story that
was not dark, but could not because of a bad run in office myself (Yeah i know, blaming it on work is the best excuse ;) )
I posted this one at the very last moment coz i had to take part in the contest.
Thanks once again :)
I'm thinking Mariah might have been a tad unstable.
Oh no! Well - she missed out. I wonder if he will have a change of heart once he comes to. If he does, that is.
This was nicely written.
Dangerous jealousy. It rings true. that kind of derangement would kill.
High marks for storytelling.
And this, my friends, is why communication is the key to happy relationships. Cleverly done.
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