Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Entry #145

The Savior
by Sameera Ansari


“You are some woman!”, he panted, his eyes bulging like they had when she first walked into his studio.

Lying beside each other, sated, they made an odd sight. He, old enough to be her grandfather, wheezing and bald, with skin like a shriveled fig. She, Venus in human form, radiant and glamorous.

No, please don’t!

“More wine?”, she asked. “Sure!” His greedy toad like eyes followed her every movement. The full moon framed her bare silhouette as she refilled their goblets with Chianti.

None can stop me tonight!

“To many such wonderful nights”, he winked. Her practiced smile was coy as she watched him drain his goblet, while daintily sipping her own.

In the name of the Lord, please let me go!

“I guess I am getting old, feeling sore already”, he chuckled. The smile she returned did not reach her eyes.

“Aaaaaaaaaargh!“ His grin froze as the goblet slipped from his suddenly quivering fingers.

I’m an atheist, you foolish woman!

“I can’t breathe!”, he gasped, “My inhaler…please…”

“You need to sleep…eternally.” Her eyes were mere slits as she watched him splutter and choke, those exquisite features stone cold.

“But why…?”, he croaked.

In vino veritas! I’m your savior, ha ha ha!

“You! You cannot be…” Comprehension spliced the fear in his eyes after she had echoed his own words. “I always…felt…you looked…familiar”. His skin was mottled with blue now.

Not in front of my daughter!

As he heaved for the last time, a single tear traversed her cheek.

19 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

When it's time to go, it's time to go. Can we have another body bag please?

laughingwolf said...

whup... now he's bought it!

Hoodie said...

Aah, revenge.

Backstory subtley played. Very nice writing.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Sweet revenge - nicely done, Sameera!

Sach! said...

:-) Sameera! my readers-block saviour. Amazing post. Well done!

Catvibe said...

Hi Sameera! And down goes another with the poisoned wine. Nice take, leaves me wondering what happened in the past.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thanks everyone for the comments.I am sorry I have not been able to be an active participant in the contest this time.Good luck to all!

P.S.Catherine,the lies in italics are the ghosts of her past.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

*lines

Aerin said...

I like the style of the past-life italics lines, but I wanted so much more. This could definitely be a longer story! That's a good thing!

BernardL said...

Gripping prose.

pjd said...

Knowing that they are the ghosts of past murders, that makes a lot of sense. I'm wondering why this old guy deserved it, though. Is she just a sociopathic mass murderer? Or is there more to it?

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

@PJD : The dialogue from her flashback is between him and her mother.I hope that clarifies your doubt.

Aniket said...

I loved this one. The italics, the flashbacks and the revenge all worked for me.

Its good to see you back, Sameera :)

JaneyV said...

Sameera - this was very powerful. I like the use of italics to fill in the back story of how the young woman witnessed the death (or possibly rape) of her mother. It's a very efficient way to use our word allowance. It also helps to understand the thirst for revenge.

Chris Eldin said...

I agree with Janey. Clever way to get a bigger story in with so few words. Really well written. I'm glad he finally got what he deserved.

Memory said...

Nicely written....I like the flashbacks - they all fit in so perfect to what is happening.

Memory said...

P.S. I know for a fact that I had commented on this one last weekend but I didn't see it on there so I recommented. :) Great writing.

jason evans said...

That had to be a mortal shock. And I don't mean the wine!

Jaye Wells said...

I like the way you slipped the backstory in. It's unclear at first what's happening, but the writing is compelling enough to keep us reading, then bam! Nice job.