Friday, July 10, 2009

Entry #38

Dust in the Wind
by Alexandra Cenni


It called to me, in a language few outside of my kind understood. 'A sip. A small sip. Drink the pain away.' it whispered darkly, invoking memories I had thought long buried. Reminding me of a youth I half-forgot.

It would be simple to take the sparkling wine glass in my hand, holding it carefully as I slowly swirled the liquid. Breathing deeply the beautiful fragrance unique to the red liquid.

Should I? Truly would anyone care? I thought at one time it mattered to the world if I acted the martyr, if I sacrificed in order to provide a better example. I would blame arrogance or conceit for my beliefs, but those are excuses. I wanted to believe that it mattered because then I would be special.

By saying ‘No, I will not indulge’ whenever my comrades tempted me, I was different, set apart from them as they discussed my actions and tried to decipher the meaning endlessly, trying to figure out what I was trying to accomplish. That was so long ago though.

I’m so tired. Old and worn out from years of living on lesser things, ignoring the gnawing in my gut. More and more often I find myself remembering the thrill, the adrenaline I felt when I was younger and didn’t deny myself. I took that feeling for granted I think.

A sip. Yes a small sip. No one will know or care. I’m just dust in the wind to them after all.

23 comments:

Katherine Napier said...

A very sad but well done soliloquy.

Aniket said...

Where's Laurel? Is she not here yet? Yay!!! :D :D

Aherm. Liked this piece a lot. (I know I've been saying this a lot, but there isn't any story one can't like, is there?)

The tangled emotions and test of beliefs. Urge to give in to desires. The loneliness. Everything was very well described.

Catvibe said...

The sad thing about this piece is the number of seniors who feel exactly this way. You used the song lyrics Dust in the Wind, but I couldn't help think of an old Elton John song 'Talking Old Soldiers'. It had a similar feel. Nice one.

Chris Eldin said...

LOL @ Aniket! heheeh I've been racing Laurel also.
:-)

Sad and melancholy piece--really tugs at my emotions.

Aniket said...

@ Chris,

Together we can beat her.

Reading glasses - Check
Laptop Handy - Check
Net Connection - Check

Now we wait for Jason to put up the entries.

Dunno why but my mail subscription is coming a day late. :(

Google Reader also updates itself quite late. Should we bribe Jason? :P :P

lucy said...

Beautiful and yet so melancoly and lonely

laughingwolf said...

makes one ponder, indeed...

Lexie said...

@catvibe: I had no idea that it was a song lyric? XD

@everyone: thank you for your encouraging words! when I first began the piece I wanted it to be funny, but when I began trimming out words and sentences to keep to the ascribed limit I found I wanted to cut out all the funny (in a dark humor sort of way) lines and keep all the melancholy ones.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Are you sure you weren't listening to Kansas? I could hear "Dust in the Wind" as I read this piece. They go together.

Lexie said...

@JR: oh I'm sure JR, I mean I don't even know who Kansas is...I guess its possible I heard the song before (cause my stepdad listens to practically everything except Rap) and maybe unconsciously channeled that, but my normal music tastes aren't even in English 90% of the time (I prefer Japanese and Korean songs, with Mandarin Chinese mixed in...except for Vanessa Carlton and Taylor Swift and on occasion Coldplay and Lifehouse).

I'll have to see if I can find it now!

Laurel said...

The word melancholy waited for years for you to write this.

I love the intimation that the choice to abstain was always laced with righteousness that no longer seems worth the effort. Nice characterization.

Aniket and Chris:

We're racing? Seriously? Will that increase my chances of winning anything? 'Cause if so I have two huge advantages.

1) I have major issues with sleep
2) I should be editing my novel so I am always on the computer checking online instead. It's called displacement activity.

That being said, if we are really racing then Laughing Wolf and JR's Thumbprint are kicking our collective a@@.

Aniket said...

@Laurel:

Hmm. Sleep seems to dodge me too. Its 3 a.m here right now. :)

And no one can beat the laughingwolf. I've learnt my lesson the last time. He is on another level. :) He's very spirited.

And JR has a unique style in everything. Even if he posted anonymously you can figure out by his style. Same is the case with Sarah and SarahA. They have unique styles.

So we are pretty much targeting you cause you are the new probie. :P

The Preacherman said...

I read this after a very hard day at work (and I don't like the 'w' word) followed by several pints of Kronenburg and several bottles of Bud once home.

I shouldn't have read this now.

I can't spell mela...melen...whatever even sober.

I like it and cried.

So there.

hic


Four Dinners x

Tessa said...

I think you touch a raw nerve in this well-judged tale - the lonliness of old age.

Therese said...

"No one will know or care."

Those are powerful words.

Great piece, Alexandra.

BernardL said...

Your piece drew wine and age together for a brief glimpse back. Nice.

pjd said...

Everyone is showing their age... Lexie, you are young so perhaps you were not channeling Kansas but rather Socrates. All we are is dust in the wind, dude.

Dust. Wind. Dude.

But the story is a well written account of one person's second guessing of their own choices in life. Nicely done.

Lexie said...

pjd--ah I remember that! I haven't seen either movie in its entirety, but in high school my history teacher liked to give us pop culture examples of what we were learning and that was one of the clips he showed us.

and I'm pretty sure I have a book about Socrates' philosophy somewhere around here...hm.

Dottie said...

Very distinctive rhythm to your piece. Really nice.

JaneyV said...

That generation valued self sacrifice and martyred themselves endlessly thinking, not only that it made them better people, but that it made them better than others. I have witnessed first hand how years of depriving oneself of the joys of life just leaves regret and emptiness.

Drink fully from the cup of life I say.

Jade L Blackwater said...

This slice of thought makes me want to hear more - I like the possibility of the opening line to send the narrator off in a new direction by the end.

jason evans said...

A very good sense of narrative here. The story flows seamlessly.

Welcome to The Forties Club!!

Jaye Wells said...

Regrets, he has a few. ;) A nicely written piece. Great job!