Saturday, July 11, 2009

Entry #50

A Full Bodied Red
by Whirlochre


Not what I expected from an eighty dollar hooker — but as we chinked our glasses, I figured it was her birthday. Or something.

“So...how old?” I ventured. It’s rude to ask a lady her name, I know. But hell, I was about to fuck her.

“It’s a 1929 Chateau Mouton Rothschild,” she replied, swilling her first sip round her mouth with a sophistication clearly honed from years of swallowing.

“That so?” I said, bemused.

She looked at me long and hard, raising the tip of her nose and drawing down her eyelids.

“Mmmm. Yeah. Just so.”

I guessed she was joking about the wine. Tasted like shit, but what do I know? I’m a broker, for chrissake.

“So what’s the deal?” I said. “Straight fuck?”

Tossing her glass aside, and swigging deep from the bottle, she brushed up close, firing me up with a whisper I could feel in my balls.

“Straight, my ass...”

I made to fling her onto the bed, but she resisted.

“Playfight, huh? Riiiiight.”

Again, I tried to turn her, but her faux defiance wasn’t funny any more.

“What the fuck you playin’ at, woman?”

She swang the bottle hard, breaking glass into my face. I fell to the floor, clutching at blood.

Behind me, the door opened — the other hookers; the ones I didn’t choose.

Kneeling beside me, my nameless lay grinned and ushered them close.

“Feast, sisters, feast,” she purred, then slowly sank her fangs into my neck.

26 comments:

laughingwolf said...

that should teach him some respect, whirl :O lol

Laurel said...

Vampires as a morality play. Lovely!

Aerin said...

in your dreams, Whirl, in your dreams.

Seriously, this was as well written as I would expect an entry from you to be - tight, well-paced, enough details to get a little of a backstory but not too many to muck up the flow, strong dialogue - well done.

Geoff wrote it, didn't he?

Merry Monteleone said...

Really nicely done... I didn't see them being vampires until the very end... I just figured he was getting rolled.

wrath999 said...

Cool! I enjoyed this

alex

Chris Eldin said...

Provocative! I also loved the dialogue and pacing--and the vampire twist was a nice surprise!!

Ello said...

Ooooooooh, very nice Whirl! Very nicely done! The dialogue was very realistic... almost too realistic... hmmmmmm ;o)

JR's Thumbprints said...

I agree with everyone's comments. Let me just add that I liked your opening as well -- the line with "how old?" and her response.

The Preacherman said...

Well enjoyed that read. Really does seem like he's been suckered. Couldn't see the vampires coming until they did.

Nice one mate!

Four Dinners

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh cool, a great take and twist on vampiric moral values!

Aniket said...

Ooooh. Loved the twist and the whole piece too.

The fangs in the end made me realize, haven't seen the Koala and her claws around. Where is she? :)

Great write up. :P

Catvibe said...

I laughed at the end. Very nice! You really had me going there, and I liked the twist.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Love your writing - as always. You have such a distinctive voice and it's wonderful.

Precie said...

Wonderfully vivid and, ahem, sharp! :)

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

The first part had me saying "That's what she said" to myself... all those great turns of phrase.

Then... Eeek!

Nice and tight. (That's what she said LOL)

Whirlochre said...

Thanks, all.

I did toy with werewolves but hairs kept clogging up the glass...

pjd said...

What Merry said.

Not quite as surreal as I expected from you, but the wordplay foreplay was of course delish. And I guess I'm glad you didn't go with werewolves. No one likes those loose hairs that tend to stick just at the back of the throat.

BernardL said...

No repeat customers at that brothel. :)

JaneyV said...

swilling her first sip round her mouth with a sophistication clearly honed from years of swallowing.

You're a bad, bad man Whirl. I could have died from choking so hard on my tea. Loved this!! I love the morality/sleaze dichotomy, the snappy dialogue and the great ending.

Fab!

Terri said...

hehe, maybe next time he'll be more careful.. oh wait, next time. Hm. Never mind.

Jade L Blackwater said...

heehee - your heroine is full of power! I love how the broker is under the delusion of being in control... until it's too late.

JaneyV said...

Well done you, Whirlio!

McKoala said...

Aha! Witty, nifty and whirly.

jason evans said...

Great sense of pace. Action was well balanced with detail. Naughty too.

Congratulations on Honorable Mention!!

Jaye Wells said...

This was a high scorer for me. The voice, the grittiness, the twist--all fantastic. Great job!

Whirlochre said...

Just returned from my hols to find this. Hoorah!