Sunday, July 12, 2009

Entry #75

Entry #75
Stalker
by BernardL


“What is it, Cara?”

Cara shivered. “This guy turns up nearly everywhere I go. He’s freaking me out, Joan.”

“Here?” Joan scanned the crowded barroom. “What’s he look like?”

“Big and creepy.”

“Wow… lots of detail. I gotta’ go. Terry meeting you?”

“Yes… I’m breaking up with him.”

“After only two dates?”

Cara shrugged. “No chemistry. He wants me. I don’t want him. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.” Joan walked away.

A hand caressed her shoulder, startling Cara.

“Calm down, babe… I brought you a glass of red.”

Terry sat down. The wine glowed ominously. She gulped some, hoping for liquid courage.

“I can’t see you anymore.”

Terry grinned. “I figured as much.”

Cara felt woozy. Her vision blurred. She mumbled incoherently. Terry helped her stand, laughing with a wink at the nearby bar patrons.

“I better get you home, girl.”

Terry hustled Cara out to the parking lot. He shoved her into his Mercedes passenger seat. Cara’s consciousness ebbed with each passing second. She watched Terry fasten her seat belt. Through color highlighted haze Cara saw two massive hands engulf Terry’s head, twisting it to a grotesque angle. The snapping sound of a rotted tree branch assaulted her ears. Terry fell away from view. Eerie blue eyes in an oddly familiar face replaced Terry’s. Huge calloused fingers brushed against her face gently. Cara smelled old leather bound books.

“No one bothers my little Cara.”

And then he was gone. Cara smiled, allowing grainy darkness to wash over her.

31 comments:

Chris Eldin said...

WOW! Didn't see that one coming---I thought Terry was going to be the dead one.
A fun, thrilling ride. Very nice!

JR's Thumbprints said...

A glass of wine and sweet revenge seem to go hand in hand.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Well done. Love the twist and the mystery. Who was that (masked) man?

Catvibe said...

This was a great one, you had me sucked in. And it was a funny twist the way the stalker ended up being her guardian angel.

Hadley said...

One by one these stories amaze me. Very well done, I didn't predict that ending at all. I love the line: Cara smelled old leather bound books...
It happens to be one of my favorite scents...

Laurel said...

Super sweet ending! Great ride. This was good. Tense and surprising.

And Hadley: ditto on the leather bound books!

laughingwolf said...

not all of us 'big and ugly' are bad ;) lol

The Preacherman said...

think I'll take up stalking...;-)

Well written and loved it


Four Dinners

wrath999 said...

Excellent

alex

Therese said...

Ha! Something to worry about that you don't quite understand. I like that the stereotype does not apply here. Very nice twist in this piece. Good work.

Beth Harar said...

I love how she smiles at the end. It changed my view of her completely.

Ello said...

I love that she smelled old leather bound books! Nice ending!

Aniket said...

And Shrek saves Princess Fiona once again! Yay!

I lovvvved this. When you make people say twisting ones head 'So sweet', you have done an awesomely good job.

One of my favourites for sure.

Aerin said...

Rock on, Bernard. I expected a great story from you - thanks for delivering. Solid characterization, well-written -

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

Cool, Bernard! A complete story with great characters that fill the senses.

Still, I wonder what the police will say when they find her in his Mercedes...

pjd said...

Talk about a great plot twist! Literally. A rotted tree branch? Eeek, that made me cringe. Perfect detail.

J. M. Poirot said...

I loved it! great detail. Very nice ending and I really liked that the stalker is the good guy. it made the story different and original. so cool to shake up and break the creepy stalker stereotype! wait, I still think stalkers are creepy though...

Dottie said...

Great ending and twist. Great writing.

rebecca said...

That is one dangerous stalker...he kills his competition. But then again, Terry was up to no good....

aditi said...

Terry deserved the "brush-off" but the stalker a good guy? I am more amazed each passing second here! but good surprises for sure!

Kurt Hendricks said...

Great twist at the end...so to speak.

JaneyV said...

Bernard - as always you've come up trumps and delivered an excellent piece. I love that the person who creeped her out was her guardian angel and the person who she'd dismissed was a maniac. Good job.

BernardL said...

Thank you all for the wonderful comments. I only this morning finished reading and commenting on the amazing 157 other entries. I don't normally make the bad guy a hero in anything. There was more to this guy in my head. :)

Jade L Blackwater said...

Yay for the hero!!

Angela said...

Awesome. You had me sucked in from beginning to end. Loved the story, loved the twist, very enjoyable read! Good job!

Rabid Fox said...

A nice l'il twist and it really amped the creepy factor with the last bit. This was one of my faves in the competition.

BernardL said...

Jade, Angela, Rabid - I am grateful for your comments. Thank you.

jason evans said...

A stalker beats a stalker. Loved that! Ver inventive. Great details in there.

High marks for pacing and entertainment.

BernardL said...

Thanks, Jason, it was a fun contest.

Jaye Wells said...

Very clever, Bernard. I liked this one a lot. Great job.

BernardL said...

Thank you, Jaye, I appreciate you commenting.