Summer's waning, folks. It's waning. (Except for my southern hemisphere friends. Winter's almost over, yeehaw!!) We'd better squeeze some last minute parties in.
Here is the game for today. What bad or unpleasant thing in your life can you blame on alien abduction? I'll go first:
Every night when I'm heading up to bed at a good and restful time, I'm the victim of alien abduction. They make me watch the end of movies. They make me start new projects. They make me have tortuous, over-analyzing debates. When they release me, it's like one o'clock in the morning. Sometimes later. It's not my fault. Alien. Abduction.
How about you? What do those interstellar bastards do to you? (BTW, we all buy industrial-sized cartons of Preparation H, so you don't have to go there. We'll just assume it. ;) )
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26 comments:
O dear. Let me share my grievances here! My Alien Abductions make me do some very menial jobs. They make me trim their nails, massage their feet in the middle of the night. They make me cook complex dishes and fresh chappatis in sweltering heat, even when there is no electricity in the house. They make me fetch water for them at 2 AM and so on...
Those damn aliens make me read emails, blog posts, and Facebook entries instead of write. They also have strange ideas about how much time I should spend looking out my window.
Ever since I got these wibbly antennae, it's been murder trying to pull chicks.
yeehaw!! to summer, thank you!!!!!!
aliens, well, they creep into my head and make me say stupid things on average 5 times a day... like now, heee heee heeee
They make me tell the truth -- even when it hurts, even to my boss.
I'll let you know as soon as they release me, but for now they say; "just write what we tell you."
Aliens have changing subject matter for their silly agendas. This last week, they have forced me into the kitchen heavy laden with summer bumper crops, and they are screaming with signs that say 'no vegetable left behind'. So I put every vegetable into fermenting jars and covered em with brine so they will last all winter.
Roll on summertime!
My aliens make me do totally daft things like buy a house before selling my existing house, thus potentially landing me with two houses, until my estate agent was beamed up by an enemy alien ship and programmed to sell one of my many houses just this morning, allowing my husband not to have a heart attack from the stress.
I, too, have a problem with aliens. They abducted me at a young age and experimented on my brain. As a result, when I'm reading a book, I'm completely unaware of my surroundings. I ignore housework, my spouse, my kids and writing. The worst part is they make me think I'm enjoying the book so much that those other things can wait.
LOL!!! Aliens are always there, whispering project ideas into my sleeping ears. I *knew* there was an explanation!
:-)
i actually live with an alien...can't seem to get rid of him and i don't understand him and yet he insists on trying to make me learn his ways. thus far, he hasn't been successful but shows no signs of leaving anytime soon.... *sigh*
Don't bother me one bit. I just do not believe in them; never been troubled by them.
As long as I keep the metal foil firmly glued to all the walls and wrap myself up in kitchen foil as soon as I get home I'm oblivious to any alien activity.
Easy. Try it. You'll find it works.
When I was younger, I wanted the aliens to make themselves known to me. Now, they never leave me. They're always watching; I can feel it. Even when I'm sleeping, I can feel their eyes on me. It creeps me out because they never say or do anything. Just watch. Like now, I know they're watching me type...probably whispering something alien funny and laughing. They are responsible for my inability to ever feel completely alone.
I finally found a place to confess my alien abductions.... this won't be easy but here goes:
They take control of my tivo, and right as I'm in the midst of Masterpiece theatre they take my remote and force me to watch WWE Smackdown... I even have to watch WWE Raw. Should you ever pass by my home, it is not me cheering and hissing--it's THEM.
I just realized something else. At work, when my motivation wanes and I'm staring off into space (ahem), they are lulling me into a quasi-hypnotic state in order to make me docile and plump for later abduction. Why don't they just feed me chocolate truffles and chicken wings while they're at it??
.*******.
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[Artist's Rendition of the perp.]
!@#$%^&*()
( My Artistic rendition of them)
My aliens are even more perverse. They don't want to abduct me. Just my spine.
Hence, whenever I'm at the point where I need some courage or conviction to stick to a decision or plan, they yank the thing out again and I promptly melt into a big puddle of human indecision and self-reproach.
It's a drag. ;)
(cute alien, btw!)
They make me eat whole family sized bags of gummy worms. (Erm, why do they make family sized bags of gummy worms? That just doesn't seem right.) I think there are probes in the worms.
At least they let me eat them...
It's amazing how much can be blamed on aliens. I would say they constantly steal my chocolates. Seriously, whenever I have stress in office and want to calm down with a piece of a chocolate bar which I know is supposed to be in some secret place on my desk under the piles of papers (only I actually know where it is), it is never there. I wanted to blame it on my colleagues who happened to love chocolates, but now when you mentioned it, I believe that was aliens .
One time this big damn alien transported me to Amish country and left me on the side of the road in a snow blizzard after having his way with me.
I'm pretty sure he disemboweled me also cause ever since then, I can't stand strawberry-rhubarb pie and I used to love it.
I'm glad to see that I am not alone.
Most Working Days I walk In and Around the Bus station with little or no sense of direction. I aim to walk in a lingo that suggests I have business and I'm attending to it Right Now. I don't have any business at all when I walk like that.
The alien I encounter, from time to time, has spotted me.
He sat down one day, next to me, on the narrow orange slab of plastic that was ours to share. And he told me that his children don't live with him anymore. I nodded and looked away.
Then he asked me where I was headed, and proceeded to tell me alternate ways of getting there. I didn't react.
Finally, he looked at me, and said in a low voice "i get lonely you know."
Bastard. i know.
I hate aliens.
Alien abduction.
I have every intention of cleaning, honest, really I do. But just as I'm going to pick up the mop and broom, something comes over me. I take leave of my senses and time slips away. When I return, hours later, I find my laptop in my hands; battery completely dead.
Alien abduction.
Dottie :)
Dear NASA please immediately send a shuttle to the dark side of the moon and get this crazy bastard off of our ship. In return we will give you the secret to...
Aww hell no it took me years to wrest control away from you guys, You took me remember? Now you have to deal with it.
NASA disregard the above communication from my abductors but do send up some steaks. Their food is weird and taste like beets and broccoli, sheesh you'd think they could at least make the stuff taste like chicken.
Mona, Stephen, Whirlochre, Shadow, Karen, Walking Man, Catvibe, McKoala, Beth, Chris, Rebecca, PhilipH, Kim, PixieDust, Sarah, Woman in the Window, Lena, Mannequin, Mukta, Dottie,
Thanks, everyone, for playing along! I suspected that aliens were responsible for far more than I suspected. Where is Fox Mulder when we need him? Scully?? Anyone???
Am so sorry that am late. I just returned from Venus. Boy, was it lovely out there.
I try to meet friends, study more, work more, learn more... honest!
But these damn aliens love to watch these sitcoms so much. They're nuts over House, Criminal Minds and stuff like that. They make me watch them all and use my brainwaves as transmission waves to see these themselves. Oh, poor poor me.
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