Monday, January 11, 2010

Entry #113

Oh the Freedom
by Angel Swemmer


The ability to soar over fields, rivers, farmlands, mountains. Looking down on my realm.
Not concerned about anyone but myself.

Sleeping when and where I like.

Eating what and whenever I want.

Just a glimpse of my shadow can strike fear into the hearts of most- and admiration into the minds of others.

Oh what glorious freedom is this. Simple, natural mastery of the skies. What I was born to do. What I know how to do.

If I close one eye and put my head close to the bars of my cage, I can sometimes watch my brother wheel overhead, and I remember.

29 comments:

Bernita said...

A careful restraint of language makes the ending extremely effective.

Aniket said...

Oh the freedom...

Perfect title for the post.
Clear and pure.

onipar... said...

Very nice. A poetic take on the theme.

Lena said...

The ending is really powerful. Don't well dream of freedom while being caged??

Tara said...

You did a wonderful job, and with so few words. Bravo.

Four Dinners said...

I love this very much.

I so hope he gets his freedom back.

Tara is right. So few words for such an impact! Great stuff!!!!

Nothingman said...

Never really seen an eagle in a cage :) but i respect the idea.

Well executed :)

N

laughingwolf said...

caged... :(

angel said...

Thank you so much all of you!

pjd said...

The description of the difficulty of being caged in the last sentence is what makes this work. Nice job.

Laurel said...

I don't think there is anything more beautiful and sad than something designed to soar being confined to the earth.

Elegantly done, evocative piece.

Dion said...

Awesome. Really like it

Deb Smythe said...

Beautifully spare prose. And a great ending. Nice job.

Kartik said...

This takes me back to those romantic era of poems(like William Wordsworth). Pure joy in the words!

Jeanette said...

Oh you are so clever! I really like this!

Dawn said...

This made me appreciate my abilities (and that says something as I am less-abled!). Thanks, Angel!

illyriataylor said...

This broke my heart. Stephen King did a short story called "Africa" that reminds me of this piece.
Birds shouldn't be caged.
which is why all 4 of mine fly free in my house.
Thankyou for this beautiful testiment.

Terri said...

So lovely.. and then heartbreaking! Lovely :-)

btw @ Nothingman there is an Eagle in a cage at a wildlife park in Ireland. It's a fairly large cage, but a cage nonetheless. Very sad.

andrevr said...

Last lines are wrenchingly powerful, Angel.
Brings it all together so, so well.
*applause*

catvibe said...

Excellent ending. Nicely written.

Craig said...

Those last few lines hit me hard. A real sense of loss, nicely built up by the begining.

JaneyV said...

Your beautiful description of the wonder and freedom of flight made the last lines all the more powerful. Well done.

james r. tomlinson said...

The use of sentence fragments works in this flash. I'm a bit confused in regards to "wheeled overhead," but I can imagine this eagle or hawk caged at the zoo.

Sarah Laurenson said...

This is very nice. I love the ending. Perfect tone.

Sarah Laurenson said...

JRT - "wheel overhead" means to fly in circles, I believe.

Chris Eldin said...

I've always thought owning birds was borderline criminal. Very well written.

Rabid Fox said...

A nice piece of imagery, but I would have gone with a couple of different word choices in spots. Like, instead of "Eating what and whenever I want," something like "Eating when and what I like." ... to help match the rhythm of the previous sentence.

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

putting his head close to the bars of his cage - brings tears to my eyes, and also invokes, for me, at least, the Death Row inmates I've worked with

Something I Might Tweak

I'm with previous commenter, because I thought those sentences felt less smooth - maybe instead "Sleep where I like. Eat what I want."

angel said...

Thank you all for the compliments and the critique- I appreciate you taking the time to do either!