Monday, January 11, 2010

Entry #127

The Poet
by Vinayak Kishore


And he wondered what would it be. This piece of rock, on which he sat? Or would it be the wind, which was beginning to resume its union with the evening chill, compelling him to make an effort to pull that extra breath in himself and whispering sensually incoherent words in his ears. Or would it be the euphoric chatter of the invisible beings in the woods, which were repeatedly and curiously asking this stranger the purpose of his untimely visit? Or would all this just be reason enough, to make him plunge into what was, is, and what should be? He finally raised his head nonchalantly, to find it in strangely maneuvering visions of his past. And instead, found it in a soul aimlessly wandering in the sea of eternity. Was it a vision of his very own mind, searching for answers that may question the questions that bother him day and night? Or was it what he would love to be, and float without the desire of being desire free. Or perhaps it’s there to remind him that he is human, and can only dream of freedom from his own thoughts that compel him to submit to the bondages of life. He wished he could, he thought he should and embarked on a journey to infinity. He smiled and closed his eyes, to wander away to places where he wanted to be, and realized how this flying beast, had become his grand epiphany.


(Vinayak is 22 years old and I am currently pursuing M.A. in Sociology from Delhi School of Economics and Sociology, Delhi, India.)

18 comments:

Lena said...

Very poetic, almost like music. Beautiful writing.

Aniket said...

I liked the lyrical flow of the words here.

Maybe its just me, but a few line breaks would have added up on the readability and would have allowed some of those great lines to shine more.

It still is a very well written piece.

Bernita said...

Reads like a poem turned into prose.

Craig said...

Nice musing introspection.

Nevine said...

Wow! And I do love the rhythm hidden between the words.

Nevine

austere said...

1.Paragraph breaks.
2.Simpler, leaner.

laughingwolf said...

good write, but agree line breaks would help the read...

Laurel said...

Ditto on the line breaks but the words flow beautifully and the rhythm reads like a prayer and poem rolled into one. I particularly liked:

float without the desire of being desire free

Lyrical.

Deb S said...

You've got the imagination and that can't be taught. But, I agree with Austere, some shorter sentences and some line breaks would help with the readability.

pjd said...

A little too navel-gazing for my taste. But that's sort of the point, isn't it? By contemplating the bird, he finds Nirvana?

Kartik said...

This is possibly a journey you might embark upon while sitting on a rock and contemplating your navel.

Anonymous said...

PJD and Kartik got it right. This is something that I intended to convey. I really appreciate and I am grateful for all the comments. I believe this will definitly help me improve a lot. I would appreciate if I can recieve as many reviews as possible. Will pay special attention to formatting, from now on.

Regards to all.

Vinayak.

catvibe said...

A prose poem is what I would call it. Very philosophical and appropriate questions for a 22 year old studying sociology. I like it, especially the end. Nice.

JaneyV said...

Vinayak, I like the stream of consciousness feel to this. The poet exploring words,images and feelings, searching for his Muse. I think you captured it very nicely.

James R. Tomlinson said...

He certainly is questioning his exsistence, his purpose in life.

Chris Eldin said...

Nicely done. A few lines really shine, and I also agree that with some spacing, they'd be stronger. Enjoyed reading this!

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

I would not put in line breaks. The stream of consciousness is facilitated by the form of this piece, and I like it.

Something I Might Tweak

There are a few places with rhyme ("places where he wanted to be" "grand epiphany" is just one example), and that throws the prose off a bit.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

The stream of conscious lent an immediacy to the gush of emotions--Yes, it would be more readable with breaks but the flow might have been interrupted too.