Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Entry #13

When He Was the Silhouette
by Adrienne Trafford

it was like
any other day.

but then it was in us like a secret.
and it made us leap and writhe
a little possessed.
but with rhythm and

and he was crying in his way.
and i was yelling so that someone could
acknowledge this!

and then that dim light
that floats in my chest,
the one that
barely makes a shadow,
burst like stadium fireworks
and burnt the leaves to ashes.
they floated to my upturned face.

i was glowing.
it blackened everything around me.
i sighed to
let the light out.

and i saw everything different
in his shadowy
parts. and everything was different
from that time on.


Sarah Laurenson said...

a little possessed.
but with rhythm and

I really like this visual.

catvibe said...

The third stanza was like a nuclear bomb! I could feel the devastation. Very powerful.

Craig said...

Literally enfused with energy all the way through.

Jeanne/Jeanze said...

Very evocative and full of quiet intensity!

Aniket said...

I am with Cat.

The third stanza stayed with me till the end.

pjd said...

Maybe I read this wrong. I read it as a young woman's first time making love, and because of it she changes and also sees her lover in a new way. Am I off base? I like the last stanza best, I think.

emeraldcite said...

some great visceral images!

i really liked the burnt leaves imagery.

very nice.

Bernita said...

Then two of us are off-base, PJD.

Leatherdykeuk said...

a very moving piece.

Francesca said...


Denise Aumick said...

Intense imagery and feeling. This is a very moving piece.

Kartik said...

very intense piece! Something happened that changed the couple's lives forever ...

Lena said...

For me the last lines are the best. A very moving poem here. It is always interesting to see poems in these contests. Maybe because there are not many.

Chris Eldin said...

PJD, I was about to read this a second time and then I read through the comments. Reading it wth that understanding makes this piece really come alive! So many creative interpretations on the prompt!

Anonymous said...

As powerful as your art! You are able to evoke stunning images and emotions through your words.

Tara said...

I saw it along similar lines of PJD. Sort of ;) Very powerful.

Tessa said...

"i sighed to
let the light out."

Wonderful line! This is most beautifully written, Adrienne. Intensely passionate, full of resonance and gentle rhythm.

Nevine said...

Deeply emotional and full of fire. Dynamic!


Anonymous said...

Very strong. I read this 5 times and each time I became more emotional...instead of detached.

JaneyV said...

Adrienne - this is gorgeous. I cannot pick a line I like the best because each one is its own perfection. If you don't mind I too have taken PJD's interpretation.

Beautiful writing.

SzélsőFa said...

I liked this strange emotional poem a lot. I am unsure as to what it is about, but it doesn't really matter. this poem is greatly written.

Terri said...

Although uncertain of how to interpret its exact meaning, I love the imagery. The dim light, igniting and then i sighed to let the light out
That's beautiful.

Four Dinners said...

I had NO knowledge or, indeed, interest in poetry before discovering Jason.

I am rapidly becoming a huge fan.

This is terrific.

I know I'm inexperienced with poetry but, for what it's worth, I think this is incredible.

laughingwolf said...

totally impressed by this...

austere said...

Lovely word visuals, though I'd leave the context open ended.. could be anything out-of-body and transformational...

Preeti said...

I don't know why but I loved the title. It is so evocative. It brings so many thoughts, so many possibilities. Wow. And the poem. I am speechless. And wondering how in so few words you have been able to depict strength and raw energy...phew!!

Loved this one.

Laurel said...

Lovely and intense. I came away with a "first time" impression, too. Consuming.

stacy said...

This is intense. Normally I'm not a poetry fan, but I dig this.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce