Nothing Less
by Jillian Partridge
Home. If home had a face, it would not be this. It would not be the dark, twisting oaks or the snow covered rolling hills. Why then do I feel safe?
Maybe the sunset comforts me; maybe the mockingbird song is a morning lullaby.
I wrestle with my thoughts in a silent prayer. Stay calm Julia I tell myself. Keep faith.
Kicking out the remains of the fire I reach for my backpack. No food, no water, no hope in this deserted land. No hope except for the Lord who has not failed me yet.
The sun reaches through the trees to point my way. A narrow horse trail snakes west out of the forest.
As my feet hit the dirt path the pounding became a chant. Lost. Lost. Lost. You are. Lost.
“The Lord will never leave me nor forsake me,” I said through gritted teeth.
The chant stopped, momentarily subdued.
Sighing, I continued to hike steadily and hoped to be somewhere safe by night fall.
The trees thinned and disappeared and a small market town appeared over the hill. 5 kilometers away and counting I heard the music and smiled. It was a wedding.
I approached cautiously, buying only an apple from a smiling vender.
“And who are you, child?” the plump balding man asked good-naturedly.
“I am nothing less than one with a bright future and a dark past.”
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16 comments:
I don't know what Julia is leaving behind but she seems optimistic! I wasn't sure about this:
Maybe the sunset comforts me; maybe the mockingbird song is a morning lullaby
Is she unsure about whether it's daybreak or dusk? I like the notion that she is so disoriented that her sense of time is out of kilter.
It's always darkest before dawn.
I like the honesty of what it feels like to be lost. I like that she reached out to God and that she trusted him.
Good job!
Jean Ann
Loved the fact that she kept the faith. And the last line says a thousand words.
Beautiful. Simple. Loved it. :-)
Hope and optimism win out!
This has to be the most satisfying end of the contest that leaves one content and uplifts your soul. Thank you for this.
I like the hope in this one. With all the murders and suicides in the contest this one actually IS full of optimism.
hope runs eternal...
What a brave child! The kid doesn't just see the glass as half full, he believes in its sweetness and purity!!!
I liked the way she kept her faith. It's always hardest in those tough situations.
I guess the details of the past shouldn't matter if you're moving forward and not looking back.
An interesting look at faith guiding you out of your darkness. Watch the shift in tense about a third of the way through. Otherwise, I like this and how you've shown the journey without being overt about the message.
Caveat
Something I Would Keep
The movement - I like that there's a going forward, literally, in terms of action, and emotionally, in terms of hope.
Something I Might Tweak
Pete caught it - the shift change after she chants "Lost. Lost." etc.
That was great! Love that last line!
Jillian - the child here shows incredible depth of maturity. I love that she (is it ok to say she - the child feels feminine somehow..) through her decision to leave her dark past behind she takes nothing with her but her faith and a determination that life will be better.
The optimism of the last line consolidates what has gone before.
Nice work.
It reads almost like a kind of vision quest. Lovely.
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