The Unchosen
by Hazar Worth
Her breath had tasted like burnt, black coffee. Like the way her Grandmother would make it back on the farm when Winter blew cold.
The previous night, all of her remaining friends decided to take her out for the last time.
'Cheer up Judith.. Modern science won't give up... not yet...'
The words stopped having anymore meaning. She sat and watched. In their eyes, she saw their fears so clearly. In their faces, she saw their anger and confusion, melded into that puzzling smirk of alcohol, desperation, and at last courage.
'Bathroom time girls. I will be right back...'
She left her few friends to their rounds and shots. One of her friends, married and miserable for the last eight years, was sitting in a booth with another woman kissing her mouth, and copping some feels. The news had lost its impact months ago. No one felt a need to care anymore.
God Himself sat with His arms folded, waiting patiently ....
'There isn't any precedent for this.'
His words sounded bland and rehearsed. But she remembered how his eyes looked. No sympathy or fear made available. But with awe.
An awe that kept God waiting, patiently.
Her breath tasted like burnt coffee, made black and kept on the wood stove. She thought about the caw-caw of heckling crows before a long pause gathered her. Before the expotential functions of her brain broke its vows, and reassembled her biology into the magnificent kiss of a supernova.
(Over 20 years ago, Hazar Worth read the landmark graphic novel, 'Arkham Asylum' by Grant Morrison. From that moment, Hazar Worth understood his calling, and following the deep breadth of his imagination, has touched distant lands uncharted. His current Facebook series, 'Hosting', has been serialized by Frank Hinton, creator/founder/peerless leader of Metazen.ca. In his spare time, Hazar Worth pursues the insights and wisdom of hyperdimensions that occurs in the twilight of sleep-deprivation.)
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20 comments:
Lonely. Is God the doctor? That was what I took away...
I like the way the tale unfolds through reactions.
Atomic! This one is a force that explodes. Really Really cool.
Elegant prose.
Does she have a stroke in the washroom?
I wondered if something happened to her in the bathroom. Great writing!
Jean Ann
Oh God.
That last line.
I loved this for the sheer fact that it brought so many different dimensions of life and living. It makes me wonder as to how a few cleverly constructed sentences narrate an entire story book.
Liked, Hazar. Very very much.
I love it how in 250 words or less you have not only shown a character but also different aspects of human nature.
Loved it.
I loved the bio. almost as much as the story. :) Varied emotions and actions were elegantly weaved in to create a very special piece. Excellent writing.
wanna know more...
The title begs the question as to her being not one of those chosen to survive, yet is seemingly rewarded by becoming a supernova. Not sure how to interpret this as while it may be bright it only comes as a result of a star's explosion... i.e. it's death. So, is her death majestic because it can be seen, felt, by others for years to come? Is it majestic for what she leaves behind? As I say, I'm not sure.
Greatly enjoyed the conundrum though.
Well written, stark and lonely.
Nicely woven tale. Great job.
A most excellent piece, inspired I wonder by a morning cup of joe?
Best Wishes,
Nicole
I liked the way you linked the begining and the end.
Yeah, I'm thinking: Brain hemorrhage. Nicely put.
I hadn't thought of the stroke/hemorrhage thing. I thought she was meeting a drug dealer in the bathroom, but now I guess I see... I'm a little confused by the "previous night" in the opening. I like the writing in this, but I'm just not sure what's happened.
I thought your opening line was great. Put me right inside the MC's head.
I was a little confused as to what was happening in flashback and what was happening "today," however. Perhaps, I need some black coffee.
my caveat
Something I Would Keep
The bracketing coffee sentences - great images, both in a sensory way and in a characterization way.
Something I Might Tweak
I'm hoping the God reference is to a doctor, because otherwise couldn't it be God Herself?
Hazar - if I read this right Judith is dying and has known this for some time. One by one she has watched her friends withdraw as if she has already gone. On the previous night they'd all gone out and while in the bathroom something cataclysmic took place (I think it's a massive hemorrhage) and now she's lying unconscious with only the voice of the doctor/God bleeding through.
Can I just say that I really think this is a gem. The tiny glimpses into the lives and personalities of her friends are nicely woven into the story. But for me it is that last line that is golden,
Before the expotential functions of her brain broke its vows, and reassembled her biology into the magnificent kiss of a supernova.
Dr Jill Bolte-Taylor describes losing her left brain to a stroke in a similar way. Without the confines of language she said she felt as big as the universe. That she had reached Nirvana.
I liked this very much.
fantastic imagery.
(missed ya! Alisa)
I'm glad I read Janey's comment because it cleared the mystery up for me. I was unsure of what was going on really. But the writing and the descriptions were really quite excellent.
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