Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Entry #197

The Freedom
by Jim Wisneski


The freedom of it all is why I’m up here.
Their voices echo around me, but all I can see is its open wings. It’s flying. They can’t stop it from flying away – and they won’t stop me either.
Its dark silhouette dances across the sky as my fingertips shake and my heart races.
I promised myself not to look down but I can’t help it. I need to see where I’m going. Just in case their voices are right. . . and I cannot fly.
I open my arms and although I have no wings, I already feel free.
They're yelling for me to stop and to come down, but inside I know they’re happy for me.
The freedom of it all is why I’m here. And the freedom gives me enough strength to step forward.
I breathe, step again, and with the wind rushing past my body, I am now free.


(Jim writes short stories, novellas, and novels. Follow him and all his projects on Writers n’ Writers – www.writersnwriters.blogspot.com)

22 comments:

Laurel said...

Another leap for freedom.

Nice use of repetition here and I like the insight into the jumper's mind. Not suicidal but delusional.

Michael Solender said...

airy and flowing. nice write!

Anonymous said...

Very insightful! Nice, quick read. Loved it!

Bernita said...

Another jumper with sad delusions.
"I am now free."
And, shortly he will say, "I am now dead."

Weezel said...

Well written and very tight. Suicide seems to be a common thread with some of us!

Deb Smythe said...

Those jumpers pay a "steep" price for freedom.
Love the last line, BTW.

Preeti said...

I loved this. Very charmingly lyrical. Absolutely lovely.

lena said...

Way too high a price for freedom I guess. But well written. I liked it!

Aniket said...

The repetition worked for me as well to make it sound more real. I too share the want of feeling the weightlessness, to feel the wind and absolute freedom.

But I'll probably settle with bungee jumping. :D

Good work! ;)

kashers said...

Jumping for freedom into a pit of death.

Nevine said...

Liberating and fluid! Lovely...

Nevine

laughingwolf said...

well done, jim...

Aerin said...



Caveat

Something I Would Keep

shaking fingertips - I like that detail

Something I Might Tweak

I'm not sure what "it" in the second and third full sentences references.

James R. Tomlinson said...

In order to have a lasting impression, I was hoping to discover why this person feels the way they do. You left me suspended in air.

Carrie said...

The jumper. Subtle! Grand entry Jim.

Sarah Laurenson said...

So much in so few words. Awesome.

Craig said...

I like the way you made the MC tune everything else out and just hear and see what he want to. It makes his delusion all the more convincing.

JaneyV said...

Again Bernita has voiced exactly what I was feeling.

I think that you wrote the delusion very well. I liked how you showed the reality of everyone shouting to stop but the voices and their meaning were far away and not understood.

Good solid writing. But Oh how it left my heart heavy.

David Barber said...

Great piece that flowed well.

pjd said...

@JR... suspended in air... lasting impression... LOL

But you're right. Freedom from what? Without that, it's a bit academic and hard to feel anything for the character.

Jim_Wisneski said...

Wow, thanks for all the great comments here!

I appreciate it!

Jim

catvibe said...

I think as I read this that your 'its' and 'theirs' set this person up to be a paranoid delusional. I think that the freedom is from his mind which is the funny irony, isn't it? Nice work.