The Inevitable Loss of Burnt Sienna
by Linda Courtland
When the little girl made a mistake, her Dad took all her colors away.
"Mom would've let me keep the red," the little girl said, biting into a suddenly-beige strawberry.
"Your Mom's not coming back."
The little girl locked herself in a solid white bathroom and cried. She glanced at the mirror and watched her brown eyes fade to gray.
Her Dad returned each color with caution. Hunter green before bedtime. Cobalt blue with breakfast. He doled out the stolen hues with tight-fisted control; an angry miser of their emotional rainbow.
Two weeks later, a trivial misstep sent the girl back into that sinister noir universe. A month later, after failing to clean the house to her Dad's satisfaction, she abandoned her colors completely.
"Keep it," she said, throwing her yellow at him. It was one less thing that he could take.
"Maybe we'll see things the same way now," her Dad said. And together, they wandered through a black and white world, hiding their wounds in an ever-shifting landscape of shadows and shapes.
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
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- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
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- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
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49 comments:
A most excellent metaphor.
Meant to add that this is very well done!
Beautiful bit of magical realism. Very nicely done.
One of my favorites so far.
Beautifully written. Great tale.
Interesting take. Loved the metaphor. A very smart use of it here.
The loss of colour and the acquisiion of shades...
Well done!
Ranee
Fabulous premise.
Oh my God.
The metaphors.
emotional rainbow, black and white world.
Surreal.
I loved it thoroughly. And I'm reading it again and again.
Very powerful I think. Certainly the most novel take on the picture yet.
Absolutely excellent!
Oh now that's good! Loved it!
Love this take on the picture. Loved how colors were something that could be taken away, or throw away. Lots of possibilities for a longer piece here, too.
I love the writing, the simplicity and directness of how if flows and the words you chose. Nothing gets in the way, and the depth of the father's despair is laid bare in a really dramatic way. One of my favorites.
I really enjoy this interpretation of the photo. Emotional, well-written, and great characterization. Well done!
I'd be real surprised if this doesn't make it to top 5.
On the other hand, I'll not be surprised at all if this wins.
A unique and superb take on the prompt.
An interesting take.
Absolutely fantastic! One of the best entries I've read, if I may say so... Awesome job!
Nevine
very uniqe. thank you for the experience.
Linda, I am flummoxed, flabbergasted and gobsmacked - all in one. Such exquisite writing. As a parent it's almost painful to me to read.
Amazing.
That was really neat. So often we think of the colors of the world and how they affect us. To use that symbolically was fantastic!
Maybe they'll see things more clearly now! Superb .. I'll need to read this again and again!
bang on, linda...
A nicely surreal piece, though I think I could have done without the rest of the last paragraph; it would have ended quite nicely after "black and white world." The rest is so pleasantly simple in structure that the shift to poetic flight felt abrupt.
Beautiful. You could make a great short animated film out of this. Well done!
Ditto Janey... as a parent, it is painful to read. I love the part where she throws the color back, so it couldn't be something used against her. This one is definitely one of my favorites. I love your interpretation of the photo, the metaphor, and your masterful writing.
fabulous.
A spectacularly good opening line followed by a story of great depth. Gripped me from start to finish.
Great discriptions and a brilliant over all metaphor. Liked it lots!
This was a wonderfully woven story.
I’ll hold onto the purple for a while ;)
REally excellent. I just loved this one. The last paragraph just grabbed at my heart.
This knocked me breathless. The power he has to steal her joy and make life colorless.
Gorgeous, beautiful, elegant and eloquent. The last paragraph is heartbreaking.
Outstanding. I'm muddling my way through all the entries but I bet this hits my personal top five.
This is but one example of Linda's mastery of flash fiction. Another in a sereies of her works that show her genius for this literary form. If you think this is outstanding, wait until you read her new book of flash fiction stories. Knocked my socks off. And that's not easy to do. This is another superb piece from Linda's pen. Remember her name. She's going places.
this was amazing on many levels. Great job
So much said in so few words. The reader can 'see' both characters through your technique of showing, not telling, so adeptly. Great writing,
Vivid, and cleverly drawn :-)
I loved the surreality and perspective of this, the way it portrays the fading of the world as we move from the innocence of childhood to the rigors and stresses of adulthood that strip the lustre away from the surface, revealing the raw. Kudos.
Good job, indeed!
Another honest story.
Jean Ann
linda, that was excellent, colorful. absolutely loved your style. this definitely goes in to my list.
I'm afraid I disagree with Scattercat; Without that last paragraph, this flash would not be relevant to the photograph.
Masterfully done, Linda. You've made a lasting impression on me; Two contests ago, I gave you my top vote (the woman with the hooved-feet). Once again, you'll get my vote.
Great piece. Loved the use and the description of the colours. Almost edible. Hm, I feel slightly hungry now...
One of my favorites, also.
Dear Entrants #1-105,
I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.
Cheers,
Aerin (#236)
BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the new Starbucks paninis or the people over 35 who are exclusively on MySpace
Congratulations - I *loved* your story, it was in my top three.
I thought this was absolutely beautiful. Very different. Perfectly complete.
Well done.
This was in my top five. I simply LOVE your take on the photo!!! Congratulations!!
:-0
That was meant to be a :-)
:-)
Fabulous Linda! Congrats on placing -- loved this flash, one of your best... Peace, Linda
Everyone -- THANK YOU for your generous comments and kind words. I appreciate you all so much. Rock on, poets and flashers!!
Excellent use of imagery to devoid the world of color, moving to a black and white existence!!
Congrats on placing!
Dottie :)
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