Saturday, January 09, 2010

Entry #85

Dusk Till Dark
by Richard M. Johnson


So pretty, Gillian thought as she lay on her back, the cold earth beneath her dirtying her strawberry blonde hair and magenta blouse. The stars were beginning to appear, scattered here and there across the sky like silver colored guppies poking their head through the thin veneer of the surface of water.

The cold was beginning to creep slowly into the recesses of her bones, but she didn’t care anymore. The fading evening light shifted from the dull rippling hues of red and orange, to the somber blues and purples of night..

Gillian closed her eyes, wincing at the pain. She never should have allowed Marcus bring her this far out into the wilderness. She felt stupid, and foolish looking up from the bottom of the makeshift grave as Marcus’ silhouette framed itself between the edges of the shallow hole.

“Why?...” She barely managed to squeak out.

Leaning down on one knee, Marcus grinned. “So, you’re finally awake.” Reaching down, he gently stroked her blood caked cheek. “Three months pregnant, huh? Simple mistake... How could you possibly know I can’t have children?” Marcus stood. “Pity. I really did love you”.

Gillian felt the first shovel of dirt strike her chest, and tried desperately to close her eyes. Through the half open lids, she thought she saw the shadow of an angel spreading its wings against the darkness and she hoped with a fervent prayer that it was there to take her home.


(Richard M. Johnson is a screenwriter, playwright and poet. His most current work can be found on the web at Hot Valley Writers, and Six Sentences.)

25 comments:

Aimee Laine said...

So she knows its her end and that she's being murdered? Guess revenge really bites. Too bad! ;)

pjd said...

LOL Aimee. Sometimes you're the axe and sometimes you're the tree, I guess. But the stars are always beautiful.

emeraldcite said...

pjd: that'd be a great title for this:

"Sometimes the Axe, Sometimes the Tree."

Nice work, Richard.

Anne Connors said...

Brilliant. A complete murder and motive in so few words. Well done.

Sarah Laurenson said...

So much in so few words. Awesome job.

Craig said...

The guppies line has to be the best line of imagry I've read in this contest yet. Well done.

Bernita said...

A story that tells us a lot more about him than about her...

JaneyV said...

Wow - a murder. backstory, motive and burial - all in 250 words. Quite impressive!

Well done Richard.

Lena said...

Kinda cruel I guess, but guess can be someone's life story. Great story in just 250. Amazing.

Aniket said...

I am only confused why he waited for 3 months to kill her?

If he was that ignorant that he didn't realize his wife was pregnant by now, I don't blame her for going around. :P

Great writing to pack all that up in 250!

catvibe said...

Nice writing. Truly gruesome image there. Make me want to rescue her.

Preeti said...

Loved the descriptions. Felt horribly sad for her. Felt even more horrified at his coldness.
It is really astounding how it begins and you have a vision of this beautiful woman lying down and watching the stars. and then it goes to a track which makes a certain unease creep on to you stealthily. and then it is over. and you are staring blankly at the screen. cold and alone. like her...

To make a reader go through such experiences is indeed commendable. Nice. Liked.

Kartik said...

"Pity. I really did love you" ... Could you be so angry that you'd kill the one you love? Brilliant telling of a sordid love tale!

foolishwriter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
foolishwriter said...

Thank you everyone for your incredibly kind words - I appreciate everyone of them.

I will endeavour to read your works, while studying massive amounts of lines for the a play I'm doing...

You know it's much easier to write lines than it is to memorize them...

laughingwolf said...

so, how WAS she to know? ;)

angel said...

That was very descriptive, I could "feel" what she felt lying there.
Nice.

Laurel said...

Something so sinister read so beautifully. I also really dug the "guppies".

Four Dinners said...

She made a mistake and he's nuts.

That was very disturbing and so very well though out and written.

Great writing!

Puzzled how the writing can seem so beautiful when the theme is so dark!

arrrrrgh!!!! Word verification is 'chests'...no,no,no,no,no...gimme a break!

Deb Smythe said...

Nice job. Perfectly paced.

Rabid Fox said...

A good slice of sinister revenge. I liked it.

truevoid said...

that was some revenge. loved it.

Chris Eldin said...

I really really love your opening paragraph. Simply beautiful descriptions!

james r. tomlinson said...

It's interesting how many writers use birds as symbols of the soul, or as angels. Nice story here.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like Sarah Palin's hair or the enigmatic career of Justin Timberlake.