Monday, May 03, 2010

Have You Ever Seen the Rain



Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
     --Credence Clearwater Revival, Have You Ever Seen the Rain



"Why are you whispering?" he said.

She laid on the ground with her hands folded beneath her head. "I don't know."

"Seriously. There's no one around."

"I know."

"For miles. Miles and miles."

"It's too quiet to talk."

The haze in the night sky dissolved a little.

More stars emerged. But still not clear like winter. Two months ago the contellations draped the sky like moon sprinkles and ice.

"I think I hear a train," he said.

"You can hear them far away in the night."

"I wonder where's its going."

She shrugged. "Here. And then away."

"Are you sleepy yet?"

"No."

"I wonder what your parents are doing."

"Arguing."

"Really?"

"No. I don't know. Happy that I'm not there."

The train whistle echoed in the charcoal grey hills. The clacking wheels sounded so close. Like the screeching rails were bearing down on them.

She felt him watching her by her side. Through the early dew on the grass.

"You know I love you, don't you," he said.

"Yes."

"I feel like I could love you forever."

"I know," she said, dropping her voice to the edge of hearing. "I know."


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14 comments:

Chatterbox said...

Totally loved it :)
Brilliant play with words, casual at some points, thoughtful at others.

It's my first visit to your blog and I am totally loving it here :)

Keep up the fantastic work!!

Cheers!!

Tabitha Bird said...

I always love your words. you know that, right:) I like the way this girl in your story thinks. I love what she says about the train. 'here, and then away.' You could read a lot into that.

Very good Jason

Raj said...

that tranquility that comes in solitude.

Bernita said...

A piece as lovely and gentle as the rain.

Atrisa said...

You know how at some point of time in your relationship when you don't need the words so much 'cause you just know? The safety and the warmth lets you know.

This was so calming :)

Kathleen A. Ryan said...

One of my favorite CCR tunes...thanks for including it. Nicely written piece, Jason.

Terri said...

A lot said in few words. I felt like I was intruding on their moment, somehow.

jason evans said...

Chatterbox, welcome! It's always a treat to see new faces!! I hope you find things to resonate with here.

Tabitha, I think you're picking up a sense of foreboding here. Yes, that thread is there.

Raj, nights like that really leave an impression.

Bernita, thanks. :)

Atrisa, you're right. They have reached a certain comfort. But not enough to take it for granted.

Kathleen, I heard it in the car on Saturday on a long trip. I knew I wanted to use those lines.

Terri, that's so cool that you felt like you were intruding! The scene must have had real presence for you.

Aniket said...

That's one of the best pieces of writing I've read in a long long time. It had the same gentleness to it as did that post of yours a while back, that had a walk in the night taking a romantic turn. I remember Aine's comments on that one. :)

Now, I'll hunt that one for a re-read it truly deserves. Like this one. Thank you for this.

Karen said...

The mood of this is soft and thoughtful, just as she is on this night. You've done a wonderful job of creating atmosphere here. I always envy you the ability to tell the story with dialogue; I think it's one of your strengths as a writer.

....Petty Witter said...

A superb piece of writing. Thoughtful and yet with a certain edge to it. It felt like an overheard conversation that you couldn't help but listen into.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

This was so deep and beautiful....marvelous.

jason evans said...

Aniket, I always like hearing which pieces especially resonate with people. Thank you!

Karen, I really love weaving potent scenes with few words and descriptions. I think life experience is like that. We don't run through endless details in our minds. We drink in a few key things. And thanks for the great compliment on dialogue!

Petty Witter, I like that the edge came across. The storm that is coming will be between them.

Oddyoddyo13, much appreciated. :)

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Jason

Wow, I loved it. I could almost hear the solitude, not wanting to break the quiet. And then her almost silent "I know".

Awesomely done.

Dottie