Thursday, July 22, 2010

Forties Club Finalist #18

The Jewels of Life
by Rebecca Mansfield


Once upon a time, a long while ago…

“Actually it was only about a week ago!”

There were three young girls…

“You mean three little thieves!”

Who, whilst bird watching for a school project, stumbled upon three precious jewels…

“They didn’t stumble across anything they stole them!”

WHO IS TELLING THIS BLOODY STORY?

“Sorry, I’ll be quiet.”

Thank you. Now these jewels were very special and belonged to a beautiful princess…

“See told you they were stolen.”

THEY were stolen by a member of her father’s court and lost in the human world. Unfortunately these rare gems were the key to the princess’s very existence…

“No shit, Sherlock!”

BE QUIET! So the king sent his son to retrieve the stones before it was too late. However his son was a lazy oaf who hated doing any kind of work.

“HEY, what exactly are you trying to imply? I just don’t see the great urgency. I mean she’s had a pretty good run and it’s not like she’s going to be queen with me here.”

She’s eighteen and what makes you think you’re going to be king. Your father could choose your lovely sister.

“The son always gets priority over the throne so hah!”

Oh for the last time, SHUT UP! So while this idiot was sitting on his arse the three girls each took one jewel and went off on their holidays - Sara to Rome, Kate to New York and Isabel to Sydney…

“You’ve got to be kidding! Bullocks!”

19 comments:

Aniket said...

This is just the kind of story I wish I had written. Loved, loved, loved the piece. Only a very few things in the world could be compared to the joy of sibling rivalry. Thank you so very much for this piece. I was grinning all the way.

Aimee Laine said...

Is this the inverse of 'the early bird gets the worm'? ;)

Precie said...

1) Love it! Love the meta-story structure.
2) The poor princess!

Jade L Blackwater said...

Such a fun piece, I really enjoyed reading this.

pegjet said...

Loved the voice...
"Voices"
AND the pacing of this piece.

Peter Dudley said...

ditto pegjet. Loved the voices and the gradual way you reveal the speakers without telling.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

LoL! Loved this one!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Well chosen caps gave your story that extra umphhhh. Well done.

Kelley said...

Loved this. The pace reminded me of Christopher Moore's "Fool".

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

Oh so well done. Awesome.

Craig said...

Superb byplay between the two chracters, there is an amazing sense of depth to this piece.

Hadley said...

Wonderful story...I love the back and forth banter.

Lee said...

This had a very Monty Python feel to it and, as I love Monty Python, draw your own conclusions as to whether I like it.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Rebecca!

Love the voice and the banter.... lovely fairytale... LOL

Dottie :)

fairyhedgehog said...

I love the contrasts of language here, between fairytale and modern.

Deb Smythe said...

Thanks for making me smile. And like everyone else, I thought the voice and the pacing was great.

JaneyV said...

Very good! I loved the dialogue and the way you revealed the story. Very entertaining!

As for the ending, I do like how the lazy Prince gets his comeuppance -Bollocks indeed!

Laurel said...

The voice in this piece steals the show. In particular the way its woven through dialogue, like a braid. I love the ending.

Vincent Kale said...

I started reading and expected one type of story and along the way I was presented with a completely different one altogether. I loved the interruptions of the brother and the continuation of the story by the sister(s). Very cute!

It also conjured up images of the Princess Bride, where the kid keeps interrupting his grandfather at parts of the story he wants to skip. Great job nestling a story within a story!