Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Forties Club Finalist #2

Fairytale Endings
by Craig Scott


“Are we there yet?”

“Almost.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“Well you can’t exactly lead a blindfolded person at a run.”

“I could always take the blindfold off.”

“That wouldn’t make it much of a surprise.”

Sarah mumbled something uncomplimentary which Jackson ignored. Patience wasn’t one of her greatest virtues. Soon they arrived and Jackson removed the blindfold.

Sarah blinked in the soft afternoon light before raising one eyebrow quizzically. “Isn’t a picnic in the park a little cliché?”

“Not in winter.” Jackson replied smugly. There wasn’t another soul around. Aside from Sarah’s quirky dread of the stereotypical that was why he’d chosen this spot. It might sound selfish but he wanted Sarah all to himself. He handed her a steaming cup of coffee.

“Jackson Jones I could just about marry you right now!”

Jackson’s jaw dropped. How did she know? Had he let something slip? But no she was preoccupied taking petite sips at her coffee. He suppressed a sigh of relief. “I forgot something in the car.” He announced before setting off to fetch the champagne, they’d need it soon enough. Before long she would tuck into the cucumber sandwich, her favourite, and discover a glittering sapphire ring. Diamonds were simply too cliché for Sarah.

When he returned Sarah was slumped over, a half eaten sandwich lay at her side. Her fingers twitched feebly and her face was blue. As Jackson futilely attempted to revive her he couldn’t help thinking perhaps fairytale endings were also too cliché for Sarah.

26 comments:

Laurel said...

You absolutely turned the picnic park propasal inside out. That last line was a fantastic payoff!

Beth Harar said...

Oh, how tragic! But what an intersting thought at the end.

J.C. Montgomery said...

Something I always thought about when I hear about hiding jewelry in food. Oh my! And I agree, the last line is great.

maybe genius said...

Like J.C. said - I always think about this particular danger when people do this. That and chipping your tooth. Ow.

I like the play on clichés :)

Sarah Laurenson said...

Hah! Yeah, too cliche for me. ;-)

This was awesome. Love the banter and the twist.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I don't get the whole romance with the engagement rings in food-you KNOW its never going to end well.

Love the banter at the beginning. :)

JR's Thumbprints said...

People do the craziest thing. Nicely based in reality.

Aimee Laine said...

Well that didn't go as planned. ;)

Peter Dudley said...

Many fairy tales end with grisly deaths. He should have tried a picnic in the hospital lounge. At least there'd be EMTs around.

I don't have the capability to look it up right now, but I believe the adjective form is "cliched.". I could be misremembering, though.

Aniket said...

Sometimes even the best laid plans, fail in getting you laid. ;)

Nice one.

@Laurel:
Body count - 2/2. We are on a roll! Could this be the bloodiest one ever?

Michael Morse said...

Nicely morbid.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Hee hee - nice ending!

Precie said...

Interesting twist, set up nicely. I'm a bit taken aback by the narrator's philosophical reaction...but overall nicely done.

Rohan said...

Well done Craig.
Feel sorry for the fellow...
Real life cliche turns into a tragedy.

Deb Smythe said...

So when a guy offers you a cucumber sandwich.... Oh, never mind:) Nice job setting up the twist.

pegjet said...

I read this one a couple days ago, then finished my entry and came back to read the new postings.

I have to say, out of the ones I read the first visit, this story stayed with me. Memorable, cool premise and I believed your characters.

A definite contender.

September said...

Ha! :) What an ending. I figured something would happen as he stepped away. Cool story. Love the title. Nice work.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

Not what I was expecting at all. Nice twist, though not for Sarah.

MRMacrum said...

Proof that romance almost always has an ugly side. Nicely done.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Craig!

Serves her right for thinking too much about cliches.... but damn to choke on your engagement ring...

Dottie :)

fairyhedgehog said...

I really enjoyed this so I didn't want her to die at the end! Beautifully done, though.

McKoala said...

This one made me laugh out loud (hm, wahat does that say about me?!). Black wit, the best.

Vincent Kale said...

Crisp, clean, cool delivery. Just like a cucumber sandwich.

Excellent job writing a complete, succinct story in 250 words. Epitome of flash/short fiction.

Stephen Hill said...

I loved how the last line's darkness was made even darker by the phrasing - his apparent distance from the incident. Dark and funny stuff.

JaneyV said...

Now see this is why I tell my kids that you shouldn't start eating before everyone is ready!

Well written Craig - nice set up, excellent characterization, superb ending.

(I laughed too Shona).

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

Oh, dear, I saw that coming. But the last line was perfect. :)