Chthonic
by Loren Eaton
The court cared not that Enl had pledged love by undying starlight. Commoners daren’t clasp royal hands. The sentence was severe. When the mine doors crashed shut, he had only a mattock and his wits.
Enl knew his sole hope for earning release lay in the lowest level. He kept distance counting steps, his mind by recalling their pledge.
He nearly lost both when a cold breath fell on his neck.
Gemdigger opens his own grave, said a frigid voice. Warm man, tell us why you came.
“For love,” said Enl.
We move through earth as though it’s air. You’ll find nothing here. Icy laughter reverberated. The shinies are so very deep.
“Still,” Enl said, “I’ll dig.”
He did until his palms ran with blood.
Love lives not beneath the earth, the voice whispered. Only dim, dark and dirt.
“Mine lives,” Enl replied.
He dug until the mattock splintered.
The cold breath stunk of sulfur. Forever rest. Join us. Lay yourself in the dust.
Enl’s strength faltered. His legs buckled.
Deeper darkness rose.
What roused him was glittering, distant sparkling of amethyst, ruby, diamond. They were deep. But the earth moved easily now.
When the cave was unsealed, the jewels found piled at its entrance would’ve freed a dozen men. A search yielded only wild stories from ashen guards: They’d heard a gnome voice cold as the spaces between stars murmuring, Until the hills should turn to sand, I’ll wait.
No one marked such superstition.
No one except the princess.
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33 comments:
I love the voice! Nice conflict set-up in the first paragraph. I wanted to know the rest of the story.
You are a beautiful writer. Everything flows so nicely!
The tone fits the story and even though tragic, offers some hope at the end. Beautiful.
Rock on, Loren. You know I love reading your pieces. Excellent.
Lovely fantasy piece. I like the disembodied voice speaking in riddles.
Beautifully done. Love the ending.
Oooo, so cool! Definitely one of my favorites!
You slide us into the situation with such ease and create a wholly complete myth in a few words. This is really well done.
Fantastic use of an apropriate voice to set the scene.
Like others, I too am in love with the voice of the piece. It sets up a dark tone that makes the reader want more, right till the end. Great work.
That is magic. I felt a chill after I finished reading, and it lasted a while.
Thanks for the kind words, guys! I've also uploaded an audio version if anyone would like to listen to it.
I love the audio version, especially the opening sound effect of the shovel.
I really like this - just the right voice for fairy tale.
The shinies are so very deep.
oh yes!
Ditto what Pete said. Plus it's gorgeously romantic.
JR,
That's actually the sound of me digging in the backyard. I think my wife must've thought I'd lost my mind. "What are you doing out there with a microphone and a shovel?!"
Ooo, good story. Beautifully written.
As ever, Loren, you deliver the goods. A classic tale of love and ghosts.
I had wondered about the shovel effect.
Wonderful story. I love the voice through out.
-Tim
http://timremp.blogspot.com/
Lovely. I got to see and hear this one. Very nicely done. And such a bittersweet ending. I really liked it.
There's a ballad-like quality to this, channeling Tolkien and the old tales like a minstrel retelling a story before a lord and lady. And yes, the voice is fantastic.
Wow, this is so beautifully written I had to go back several times because I kept getting lost (in a very good way) in its rhythm. The pacing is superb.
Wonderful prose with a great ending.
Terrific story that could easily be expanded into something more terrific with that strong voice.
Hi Loren!
I loved "we move through the earth as though it's air"... woven with magic...
Great!
Dottie :)
You already know I love your writing. This piece is fantastic!
I found this very evocative and poetic.
Intriguing.
I want more.
Was tripped up a little by some of the phrasing at first. Once I let myself get into the rhythm of the story, everything clicked.
Every single word here is pure magic. I can't decide if my favorite "character" was the taunting gnome or the unseen, suffering princess.
You've created a beautiful voice for Enl. The ending sends nice chills down my back. Loved the voices in the recording.
So beautiful and tragic Loren. A perfectly formed story. Well done!
Beautiful. You have the rhythm of an old tale without getting lost in flowery words. I liked it quite a lot!
They’d heard a gnome voice cold as the spaces between stars murmuring, Until the hills should turn to sand, I’ll wait.
Oh, heartbreaking! So romantic- love this...
bru
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