Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Forties Club Finalist #74

Bigfoot and Wild Boy
by Stephen Hill


Already splintered by treetops, the last of the sunshine vanished behind a funnel cloud. It didn’t matter. Lenny could still see, and for a moment he forgot the sweat rolling like gravy down his back, and the sputtering whine of mosquitoes in his ears.

Cloaked in shadows and seen from behind, Bigfoot looked just as Lenny had always pictured — fighting the river’s rapids with brute strength, his back sprouting hair as thick as the living room carpet. Rapids broke across his waist, foaming and spitting, enraged they couldn’t drag him down.

This is the shot, Lenny thought, clutching his camera. This is perfect.

“The locals say Bigfoot has wandered the woods around here for years,” Uncle Reg had said one night, the dark jewels of his eyes glittering with customary contempt. “I tell you what Lenny — if I ever saw one shred of real evidence, I’d blow the cat.”

In the midst of all the terrible things Uncle Reg was, he was a man of his word, and Mr. Tinkles was an old tom that drew blood just for stepping in his path. The damage dished out from someone licking his balls, thought Lenny, had to be epic.

Lenny’s camera flash blazed, and Bigfoot slipped and stumbled, twisting its neck until his eyes found Lenny’s.

Even in the shadow, Lenny recognized a familiar contemptuous glitter before the current hurled the beast into the water, his fishing pole into the air, and rolled Uncle Reg downstream and out of sight.

17 comments:

Aerin said...

Obviously, we have saved the best for last.

Amazing images - sweat rolling like gravy (ewww); natural dialogue; tight pacing.

We appreciate you waiting to submit to at least give the rest of us a chance.

Joni said...

Really tight writing here.
I was smiling and cringing at the same time.

JaneyV said...

Really good! I mean ... really.

I love the build up the back story the characterizations and most of all I'm tickled that they named a demon cat Mr Tinkles. No wonder he was bad tempered!

Peter Dudley said...

The first three comments say it all for me. This is really entertaining. The fact that it's Uncle Reg in the end was a little predictable, but I didn't mind at all because the writing is so great.

Meghan said...

I agree with Joni. Tight writing that both makes you smile but also cringe painfully. Good job!

Laurel said...

This is packed tighter than sardines with fantastic, dynamic sentences. At first I thought it communicated a lot of action for a descriptive piece but I had it backwards. The verbs are so damn good that the description is inside the action.

And I love the "blow the cat" bit as motivation.

Fun concept, great writing. Hats off!

bekbek said...

Along with the great features already noted in others' comments, I was particularly struck by Uncle Reg's apparent ego, here. Promise to blow the cat indeed... If he is in fact "Bigfoot" and this isn't just a case of Lenny really needing glasses, then Uncle Reg was totally confident he'd NEVER be caught. It's just great!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Cre-epy. Couldn't imagine MY uncle being big foot...

Loved the twist on this one! :)

AidanF said...

Lovely images, I enjoyed the way this subtly played on the gem theme. I liked the "contemptuous glimmer" that gives his uncle away.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Stephen

What a twist... Uncle Reg is creepy to the max, knew he couldn't be caught, but Lenny is soooo wily...

Nicely done!

Dottie :)

Deb Smythe said...

Ooo, great twist. I didn't see it coming. Your descriptions were perfect as well. Excellent job.

Stephen Hill said...

Thanks for the comments guys. Very kind.

I actually started in a rather different place with this one, more of a play on the family jewels angle: a pair of hunters are looking for Bigfoot, who happens to have - wait for it - green emeralds for balls.

Yep. You know, camoflage.

Well by the time I really started to knuckle down, I noticed several entries focusing in outstanding ways on the 'jewels' as family jewels angle, so I veered in a very different, less comedic, direction.

Bogfoot remained of course - as did some balls - they just weren't his. Oh, Mr. Tinkles...you cranky bastard.

Michael Morse said...

Now that was different! Great story.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ah yes ... "there is no such things as bigfoot" ... "it's your Uncle Reg." Nice take on the photo.

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

This one is fun! Great images here, too. :)

Angel Zapata said...

Yeah, this is a very fun tale. And the title-- very cool tribute to one of my favorite Sid and Marty Krofft 70s tv show.

Leatherdykeuk said...

delightful writing