Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Beer Philosophers #8 - Porcelain Pontifications
"You know, I never realized it before. Kind of cool, actually. The shape of these things is very metaphorical. Have you ever noticed that?"
"Yeah. I agree. It's the smoothness. The convex curves. Or it is concave? Yes, concave. It goes inward. Convex is when something bends outward. Convex lenses correct farsightedness, for example. They make the light rays focus closer. We're definitely dealing with concave here."
"Anyway, back to my point. When you turn on the water, it goes clockwise. See? Did you know that? It's because of the Earth's rotation. If we were in a bathroom in the Southern Hemisphere instead of here in the Northern, the water would swirl counterclockwise down the drain. Fascinating, isn't it? Hurricanes and typhoons are the same way. Clockwise here, counterclockwise down there."
"Are you alright there? Yeah? No? Anyway, the smooth marble is another thing. (Or the composite resin. Whatever sinks are made of these days.) See, the water is like time. Our lives. Whirling and whirling down the drain. The sides are too slick to climb back up. We're doomed to the pipes. Sometimes the water washing us down is clean. Sometimes it...."
"Um, isn't. Yikes."
"Well, you probably want time to whip down that drain pretty fast, don't you? Sorry man, but I did warn you about drinking the Vodka like that, didn't I? You can't drink so much so fast. Especially after a bunch of beers. Jesus! I, on the other hand, may be drunk, but I know when to stop."
"And thanks for projectile vomiting on me in the living room. That's a first. That's a rare treat."
"At least you're beyond embarrassment at this point. You're not exactly conscious."
"So just lay in the sink for a little while. But don't fall, okay? Don't bash your head on the toilet or something."
"I'll just leave you to your...."
"Oh, that's not good. All of sudden I feel kind of--"
"Oh crap, GET OUTTA THE WAY!"