Monday, January 17, 2011

When the Water Trickles



“You should go outside. It’s not good to sit so long in here.”

The girl didn’t answer. Squares of light from a window illuminated her legs tight against the chair.

“The snow is crisp outside. Do you want to go sledding?”

The girl shook her head.

Her mother sighed in the doorway. “It’s going to be dark soon." The old floorboards creaked as the woman walked back to the farmhouse stairs.

The girl peered out at the sharp-angled sun.

The quilt on her bed rustled across the room as something unseen stood up.

“Can’t you stay?” she said.

The smoky silhouette of a boy stepped into the light at the window. She knew he was watching the position of the sun.

“I’ll find you when the snow clears,” she said.

But what if she did? Some long dead boy buried in mud and forgotten.

The shadow of a hand fell on her lap. Hers joined it.

It thinned to just another line of windowpane.

9 comments:

Cat said...

This scene really felt like a haiku--the juxtaposition of the natural world with something else. I love your diction; you make every word count. Just wonderful, really wonderful.

Shadow said...

fantasy and reality beautifully intertwined.

the walking man said...

As i have nothing to add to Cat and Shadow's comments I will simply say. Yes sir well done again.

Erratic Thoughts said...

Nice n beautifully written...
Always a pleasure to read what you create...

~New Year Wishes
ET/MD

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Gee, wait to leave us hanging....

Raj said...

golly! how good can one get?! not as good as u i can bet! great work! :)

Seré said...

I'll chime in with the others here and say bravo, Jason! Again :)

jason evans said...

Cat, thanks, my friend. You gave me a smile! Your visits are always a treat. :)

Shadow, I felt a real power in the photograph. This scene was the first thing to organize in my head as I contemplated it.

Walking Man, high praise indeed. And most appreciated.

Erratic Thoughts, so good to see you! I thank you kindly for all the comments you just left for me. :) I missed your words.

Oddyoddyo13, sometimes a taste can be more memorable than a meal. No?

Raj, all I can say is that I do try. I do reach to grasp vibrant things. I'm not a good judge as to whether I succeed, though....

Sere, I find myself once again wanting to congratulate you on your achievement! Such an important milestone to sign with an agent. :D

SzélsőFa said...

a strange story and i'm nost sure what was going on here, but i liked the tone.