Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Fungi Physical



“How long has it been like this?”

“Since Sunday.”

“I see.”

“You seem concerned.”

“Do you have them anywhere else?”

“You’re concerned, right?”

“Do you have them anywhere else?”

“Well, only my leg. Mostly. I think a couple might be trying to come out on my rear end, but they keep getting crushed when I sit.”

“Do you feel that?”

“No. I don’t think so. The caps aren’t sensitive.”

“How about when I wiggle the stems?”

“It tickles. A little.”

“And now?”

“Oh my! Wow! I’ve been afraid to pluck them. Am I bleeding?”

“No.”

“My heart is pounding!”

“Any pain?”

“I think so, but I’m not sure. It’s weird….”

“Okay. You can put your pants back on.”

“That’s it?”

“You’ve got quite a crop of mushrooms there.”

“I know.”

“Did you eat any?”

“No!”

“That’s good. Those are Jack-‘o-Lanterns. Quite poisonous.”

“God. Oh God. I thought so.”

“Here. I’m going to write you a prescription. It will take care of those Jack-‘o-Lanterns and get a proper crop of Shitakes growing in their place.”

“What? That’s it? So I’m not dying or anything...? Don’t laugh!”

“Let me see your forearm. Right. You see that? Those look choice, don’t you think? Nothing poisonous there.”

“I know, I know. I just have that strain of Destroying Angels running in my family. My Aunt didn’t last a month after the first one sprouted.”

“Don’t worry about that. Okay? You’ll be having pounds and pounds of Shitakes for many years to come.”

10 comments:

Cloudia said...

Inspired, delightful & disturbing lunacy!




Aloha from Waikiki :)

Comfort Spiral

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Shakespeare said...

Great farce. How'd you think up that concept?

Catvibe said...

LOL! Hysterical. :-)

Crafty Green Poet said...

Brilliant new angle on fungal infections, very entertaining

jason evans said...

Cloudia, lunacy indeed!

Shakespeare, it's probably my favorite kind of fusion. I decided on using that photograph, stared at it, and dared my mind to speak.

Catvibe, maybe you'll tackle some mushroom photography this summer and fall with that lens!

Crafty, I intended it to be surreal and fun, but I freaked out Aine.

the walking man said...

At least once a day--got to keep your self regular. Eat more bran.

SzélsőFa said...

i found this one particularly delicious. does it make me creepy, too?

SzélsőFa said...

hee-hee, and shitake mushrooms, too. do you happen to know that funny video by comedian Kate whatshername in a 2 minute clip about a not-so-bright couple who think the name shit-ake alone is strange?

SzélsőFa said...

(uhm, this will be my last one)

this piece almost made me think these were trees talking. Jack'o-lanterns and Shiitakes *do* grow on wood, but Amanitas don't. too bad, heh?

jason evans said...

Walking Man, ha! Maybe she could have purged it early.

Szelsofa, very true about the Amanitas. Location, location, location...right? :) No, I haven't seen that video. Now I'm curious.