The Five
by Rebecca Job
The acolyte heaved the door open with sweaty palms. He studied the five stone monoliths set in the chamber-- the final test before achieving full Brotherhood.
He moved to examine the closest stone. It was unadorned, save for the imprint of a hand, with another smaller hand above it. Curious, he fit his hand into the print.
A lover’s caress. An abuser’s slap. A cat’s soft fur. A knife stab, an arrow, a bullet, shattering bones…
The acolyte ripped his hand away. Bewildered, he moved to the next stone. Above the hand, carved lips parted. Placing his hand into the carving, he shuddered.
The taste of strawberries. Cool water. Blood’s metallic tang. The heady rush of beer, wine, mead…
Swaying, he withdrew more slowly this time. He moved to the next stone without registering its blazon.
Hushed whispers. A child’s laughter. Moans of ecstasy. Panicked screams. A woman singing quietly. Weeping. A klaxon wail.
He noticed the small ear above the handprint as he staggered away, his own ringing as he fumbled for the next stone. This bore an aquiline nose above its print.
Bread baking. The reek of unwashed bodies. Lilacs, roses, leather, blood, fear…
He crashed into the final stone. The burning eye transfixed him as he thrust his fingers into the print…
Words on a page. An ant traversing a leaf. The world spinning. Women and children crumpled in grief. War, famine, cruelty, murder…and then…a baby born…
Hand still gripping the stone, he fell forwards into blackness.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Get the winners of the first 12 Clarity of Night contests in one place! Extras too!!
Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
About Me
- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
The Official Compilation!
Get the winners of the first 12 Clarity of Night contests in one place! Extras too!!
Categories
- poetry (193)
- fiction (180)
- vignette (106)
- serial (59)
- lyrics (56)
- personal (52)
- insights (33)
- thoughts (31)
- cemetery (26)
- forest (17)
- nature (16)
- remembrance (16)
- writing (16)
- humor (15)
- beer philosophers (13)
- boating (10)
- experimental (8)
- movie (7)
- music (7)
- INTP (6)
- beatitudes (6)
- Ulrich (5)
- photography (5)
- Nami (4)
- night conversations (4)
- cemetery reflections (3)
- stream of consciousness (3)
- Clarity Notice (1)
- emotion study (1)
Visitors
~clausum~
23 comments:
So did he achieve full Brotherhood? Was this his test? :)
Very intriguing take on the prompt. I really liked it.
I enjoy the unique path this took based off the image, and how it evokes the senses in compelling ways.
Very intriguing. I find myself pulled into this world, wondering what will happen next. Your imagination is impressive; I urge you to build upon what you've begun.
Thank you for sharing!
Intriguing piece. I liked where this took the reader.
Loved how you appealed to the senses.
I particularly like the representatives you've selected for each of the senses!
wow. a surprising take and like others have said before me, this piece does evoke the senses of the reader, too.
i wonder if the acolyte passed the test or not... i guess he did not?
Not to overburden you with information, but the idea was that this is a sensory Brotherhood, and each monk is 'taken' by a particular sense, one of the five. Sight is revered as one of the higher senses in this culture, so this monk would be marked for greatness, having been accepted by Sight.
Loved "The taste of strawberries. Cool water. Blood’s metallic tang."
I've never been able to put into words the taste of blood. Its nothing quite like anything, and 'metallic tang' is as close as I've read anyone put it.
Liked your take on the prompt too. Its unique.
The writing is gorgeous and tight, with every word pulling its weight, in concert with every other. I'm not sure if I like it better or less having read your comment explaining the culture. Ending it with the baby born gives it a supreme mysticism that transcends the senses and makes me think of many possibilities for his blacking out. In any case, very well crafted.
I wanted to know what his blacking out meant; as it came straight after the image of a baby I wondered if he was being reborn.
The blacking out...entrance into the Brotherhood? Maybe he passed from one plane to another? Love the visualizations of the senses.
Dottie :)
I don't think he passed! I think the last was too horrendous for him to face. I'm thinking this acolyte's heart was too gentle and sensitive.
Take care
x
I like that this piece is shrouded in a bit of mystery. Love the incantations. ~Jana A.
My first time reading your work, Josh. Color me impressed. :-)
Bloody hell! I have a number of windows open, and left Josh's comment in your post! (I'll see if I can remove it).
Rebecca... I think this is fantastic. Lovely, lyrical prose and an intriguing concept. I'm hooked.
I loved the exquisite sensory details, and the little ambiguity at the end was a great way to finish.
It may just be me, but part of me wanted each monolith to demand a different body part - how freaky would it be to have to put your tongue in the stone??
Great sampling of each of the senses, a little smorgasbord!
I love the world of the Brotherhood that you've concocted with this story. You've managed to capture the ethereal otherness of this brotherhood without giving many details and the strong sensualness of each description makes this story provocative.
So I take it Rebecca that Sight includes the third-eye and the ability to see into the future? Because I don't understand why the monk would fall forward into blackness unless he was so overwhelmed by what he saw or because he was blinded by the vision. (Did I just say blinded by vision?? ?? ). But, I think I just answered my own question re the outcome of the test—FAILED—regardless of what you say. What do you know anyhow? You're just the author.
Rebecca - as was mentioned before, you have displayed a real gift here for describing the senses. I am glad that you explained the challenge but I also think this piece stands up without it. I love the premise here. I like the idea of experiencing all that each sense is capable of and letting the sense choose you. Beautiful.
I'm super-impressed with the creativity shown here. And the writing was sharp and so effective. High marks!
A contender. Congrats on Forties Club!
Post a Comment