Saturday, July 16, 2011

Entry #32

Comfortably Cold
by Krunal


It was growing cold now and dark as well; I rubbed my hands together, puffed some warm breath into them but still couldn’t stop shivering. I tried hard to stay awake but grogginess was taking over.

I switched on the lights; the comfy king-size mahogany bed was welcoming. I gently moved my hand over the down filled white comforter, evenly spread over the soft spring mattress, it was warm.

Then I saw something outside the window. Dragging my cold and tired body I went near it to take a better look. A flare was firing up and soon it lit the whole sky. The light hurt my eyes; I held my hand against the piercing light, I could now only see the silhouette of my hand against the blazing red light.

‘Fireworks’ I muttered, a huge deafening explosion followed.

‘Incoming’ someone hollered. I quickly flicked back the safety latch and pointed the gun in that direction, a man dressed in an army combat uniform with a rifle in his hand came running and soon he flopped down in the trench right beside me. He tugged my arm, his lips moved as though he was shouting but there was only silence except for my inner ears ringing to a high pitched tone, and then I saw another flare firing up.

It was getting darker, grogginess was taking over. The comforter was warm and the soft spring mattress was cozy; I was asleep now, far asleep.

17 comments:

j a zobair said...

Great description and moving story. I wish that he were in that bed!

Mikki said...

Wonderful use of metaphor, and great insight into one soldier's weary mind. Your description brought the battle to life. Nice work.

Thanks for sharing!

SzélsőFa said...

i wonder what his morning will be...? will he be safe? or in danger? will he even be alive? so many questions left open... :)

Aimee Laine said...

Took me a couple read throughs to process that part of it was a dream. Now I'm wondering when, exactly the dream started. Could be in a couple places I think! :)

fairyhedgehog said...

The comfort of the bed nicely contrasted with the pain and horror of war.

Aniket said...

I dread writing action sequences, for I never can get them down right. This was perfect. Very well written.

I have a few unanswered questions too, that was he gone now or was this a part of the dream too? But I like such unanswered questions. Makes one weave their own endings.

Thanks for sharing, and for dropping by at my place. Appreciate it a lot.

Peter Dudley said...

I'm not sure if this is grogginess fading to a dream of war, or war fading into death. That ambiguity is what I like about your writing.

Old Kitty said...

Understated and powerful for being so!! thank you! Take care
x

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

As he slipped into unconsciousness, taken by the cold, and now forever asleep. Frighteningly moving.

Dottie :)

bluesugarpoet said...

I echo Peter's comment - lots of layers in this piece! ~Jana A.

Jade L Blackwater said...

well done - so palpable with the physical sensations and the emotions they evoke.

Richard Levangie said...

Unlike Peter, and Jade I felt no ambiguity about what was happening, and appreciated that clarity. A fine vignette, well told.

phatichar said...

Loved the visual quality in the writing.

...and loved the way you closed the loop. Wonderful! :)

Margaret said...

Your title 'Comfortably Cold' gives us an inclination of what he was going through.

Was he comfortable in his bed dreaming about the coldness and terror of war - or was he in that coldness of war dreaming about the comforts of home?

Love the way you're interwoven the two. Very well written!

JaneyV said...

Krunal - I read this as a soldier in a trench giving in to hypothermia. He slips into the hallucination of a warm bed as he nears death from the cold. I wonder just how many men were lost this way. Very thoughtful piece and very well written.

Aidan Fritz said...

Intriguing. I first read this as haunted memories of war, and it doesn't seem to contradict this reading. Yet, I can also see another reading of the exhausted soldier who has started hallucinating. Well written to capture these different sides of the coin.

jason evans said...

I always find those altered reality war pieces unsettling. This one has that quality too. You wove the story well. Solid writing.

Congrats on Forties Club!