Sunday, July 17, 2011

Entry #58

Heart Breaker, Life Taker
by Karla Tanay


She had a body women sweated for, starved for, wrapped in pale, flawless skin, the kind I'd only seen before in airbrushed photos of supermodels. She laughed and tossed her hair and took the barstool beside me. Her skirt barely covered her ass and her shirt barely fit the definition.

I wasn't complaining.

She bought me a drink, maybe three. Our mindless conversation ended when her hand found my knee. I asked her to dance, despite my distaste for it. She offered, instead, to give me a ride. My car was outside, but I didn't care. I could pick it up from the impound between eight and five.

We never made it to the car. We found a dark alley nearby. We were hungry, both of us, but hungered for different things.

“Do you want me?”

“Of course.”

Her teeth flashed white and sharp when she smiled, then she kissed me. I kissed her back, hard enough to muffle her screams should she cry out. I drove my fist into her heart and extended my fingers, seeking the flame which breathed life into all flesh.

How strange to find nothing there.

I released her, but she did not collapse, only lifted a hand to her chest with a look of surprise that mirrored mine. She was accustomed to being the predator.

“What are you?”

I had no time to answer. Her death took me fast. It wound its way through me, banishing my light as it went.

19 comments:

Catrina said...

Excellent voice. So many good lines.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

"How strange to find nothing there." A stinger of a line that whipsaws everything!

Joni said...

I love the voice in this. Excellent writing. I was hooked throughout and intrigued by the ending.

j a zobair said...

This has such a great voice--the edge, the hint of (cruel) humor, the word choice. Excellent.

Aimee Laine said...

How strange to find nothing there.
And right there, we know ... oops. ;) Well done!

Rohan said...

That's an AS-IS take on the prompt that i would never thought of. Superb voice.

Neat and expertly closed.

C Sonberg Larson said...

Great story. Love the double twist. the characters' reactions sealed it for me. Great job!

Phil W said...

Good job. It's twisted, vulgar, horrific, but not conventional.

fairyhedgehog said...

I felt like this twisted and turned as I read it and they both deserved what they got in the end.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

The predator turned prey back to predatory to extinguish his essence as well.. nice!

Dottie :)

wrath999 said...

Cool story, very well done!

Old Kitty said...

Loved the twist - two predators and only one could win!! Thanks for the great read. Take care
x

phatichar said...

Brilliant 'twilight' feel to it. :)

Jade L Blackwater said...

Fast start and great reversal of fortune. I like how much of this reality you draw out with only a few lines.

Mikki said...

Whoa. I wasn't expecting that twist, and now I find myself unsettled. Nice writing.

Thank you for sharing!

Richard Levangie said...

Karla — Cool. Seductive and unexpected!

Aniket said...

When I read the first two lines several thoughts came to mind. You don't wanna know most of them. But a few wanted me to go fetch for popcorn and coke and wish this story was in 3D (unlike the other crap they're making these days).

Like others said - brilliant voice. It provided an effortless read, which I so absolutely love in a piece.
Thank you for sharing.

JaneyV said...

Karla - your ending really took me by surprise. Good job!

jason evans said...

You weave a story and pace it with great skill. I t feels effortless and compelling. Not sure what he was either.

Congrats on Forties Club!