Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Entry #76

The Mark
by Alexander Salas


Its red fiery eye scanned the mark on her shaking left palm. Though It showed no mouth Its eye gleamed a smile. It approved.

She received the mark the day they reached an agreement.

Not guilty. The jury had spoken. She’d be free to roam the rest of her days on earth. It had kept Its end of the bargain.

She tried to breach the deal by confessing to the murder of her baby girl on her death bed. But the mark superseded her feeble attempt to break their contract. A ‘confession is good for one’s soul’ if one had a soul.

“Welcome home.” A disembodied voice snickered.

17 comments:

Chris Allinotte said...

Creepy reveal, and a quick, compact tale of evil and weakness. Nicely done.

The one word I had a problem with was "superceded". It's too bulky a word for the narrative, and it brought me up short.

Aimee Laine said...

But the mark superseded her feeble attempt to break their contract. Gotta love those binding contracts. ;)

Catrina said...

What was her side of the bargain? I'm not sure I want to find out. I almost feel sorry for this murderess.

Thanks for sharing. =)

Precie said...

Casey Anthony?

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

The devil always collects his debts...and trying to screw him just pisses him off. Nice.

Dottie :)

SzélsőFa said...

in this dark and dry story i think she got what she asked for.

Col Bury said...

Well, if you play with fire...

fairyhedgehog said...

"Confession is good for the soul" but only if you still have one! Nice!

bluesugarpoet said...

Some bargains are not really a bargain, eh? ~Jana

Old Kitty said...

Very creepy and most disturbing! Well done! take care
x

Mikki said...

Haunting tale. Great use of imagination. You left me craving more!

Thank you for sharing!

Rabid Fox said...

Really short, but effective. Good one.

Richard Levangie said...

Alexander — Love the ending!

wrath999 said...

Thanks for all the above comments!


alex

Aerin said...

Urgh. Sorry, I had trouble getting past the "killed her baby girl". I think Szels said "dry", but in that sharp, biting, effective way. Like wine. Ooh, wine.

JaneyV said...

Alexander - I think that justice is served here. Well done.

jason evans said...

Brief, but very deft. You wove an intense story in so few words. Excellent! Strong writing.

Congrats on Forties Club!