Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Entry #98

Exit
by Elizabeth Proctor


There are things I don’t want illuminated. Rifts I don’t want reopened. This is too much for me to think about and seeing it racing toward me, demanding I look at it—well, it makes me want to run away. Sometimes, that is the best choice, running away and NOT facing it. But this thing burns, reminding me that it will never really go away.

Can I really escape its grasp? Avoid going through the rift and dealing with what is on the other side? Can I just say “NO”?

Sometimes life hands me things that are well beyond my ability to handle and I can only do my best to NOT handle them. But they keep coming back, more fiery and painful than before. They stare me down, each time like an open rift--a baleful eye--daring me to say “no” yet again.

It flares up in my dreams, flashes in my windshield causing a blind spot, blinks in the corners of my consciousness—not quite clear, but always there; always mocking my attempts to get rid of it, pretending it isn’t there.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I DID let it catch up to me. Would I shine as it does? Would I become as baleful as it appears to be? Or would I burn up with the knowledge that I really am NOT able to deal with it? I must decide if I will let it will catch me. I only have one week.

18 comments:

Deb Smythe said...

I can't figure out exactly what the MC is running from. (I need more coffee.) Nice job building tension, though. I felt the MC's anxiety.

JustAnotherContestant said...

That's the idea, Deb. The MC is running from whatever YOU think it might be running from.

Aimee Laine said...

I'm curious why the last line is bolded. It adds great tension at the end to give it a timeframe even without that, I think. :)

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

The tension is there, if I can only figure out why? Has a scifi-y feel to it as well. Frightening.

Dottie :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

Is the MC waiting for death?Like she/he knows it is inevitable and around the week...If that, it sure is creepy knowing death is around the corner...who wouldn;t want to say NO to it...
Nice way to describe helplessness...

Four Dinners said...

You can do an awful lot in one week....

Drink beer / shag / hit someone you hate....

Go MC!!!!!

You've left it 'open'...for what it's worth, I think that's very clever. Very.

Just a daft English Northern bloles thoughts...

Ta babe x

Precie said...

Ah, good, then I read it accurately...Personally, I like that you chose to have readers fill "it" in themselves. Like 4D says, you can do quite a lot in one week...especially if you overcome your fears and just go for "it." thanks!

bluesugarpoet said...

Intriguing piece - and I am left with more questions than answers (I love that kind of writing). This could be the beginning of a longer work, for sure! ~Jana A

Rachel said...

Just like fear to show up everywhere! But you have some interesting encounters with "it" and I like that you know it mocks your efforts to ignore it.

I agree with Jana that you could work this into a longer piece.

Old Kitty said...

Oh no!! You must continue this story, I want to know what happened!! Well done!! Take care
x

JustAnotherContestant said...

Thank you all for your lovely comments. There actually is a longer story that should come out of it and the time frame IS essential. It'll take time to flesh out, but I'll work on it.

chm1880 said...

Nice Hitchock feel.

hilary said...

Feel like your MC is heading for the week that I've just had!
It's very well written and I'm intrigued but perhaps there are just too many questions to allow it to stand up as a complete piece for me. Good luck with it though.
H

Mikki said...

There's an immediacy to this piece that grabs hold, forcing the reader into the page. Great use of emotions.

Thanks for sharing!

Richard Levangie said...

Elizabeth: I'm smiling. The MC is having my kind of week.

I just tweeted: "A major problem. I can deal. Two major problems, I can deal. But when problems start piling like cars on a freeway, I grow weary."

It was nice to read this to fortify myself for the challenge.

Aerin said...

Aimee's point is valid - putting the last line in bold is unnecessary because your prose so clearly speaks for itself. Great job.

JustAnotherContestant said...

The bold was a format test and I forgot to take it out because I was in a rush to make deadline (I know--naughty me). I wanted some sort of emphasis because this is almost a prologue and the format makes it a bit more of a challenge. -- Elizabeth

jason evans said...

I feel the weight of obsessive-compulsive thoughts. A haunted person. That effect came through the writing very well. I especially liked the sentence structure.